One of the things that both men and women do which causes friction in relationships is to give advice (often unsolicited) when what we should really give is support.

In general support sounds like: “I know what you mean; that sucks.” “I totally understand. That happened to me, too, once.” “I am sorry you are going through that.”

By contrast advice sounds like: “You should do this, that, and this other thing” Or what I think is the very worst form of unsolicited advice…health recommendations.

Support: “I am so sorry you going through cancer treatment. Call me if you need anything. I am there for you.”

Vs Advice: “The treatment you are using is bad. You need to see X doctor and use X approach, read X book and try X vitamin.” When it comes to health issues people are scared and unless your advice is asked for it’s best not to say anything that will cause them to second guess the treatments they have decided on.

Giving advice rather than support feels draining to the giver, particularly if that advice is never followed. It is also annoying for the receiver, especially if the receiver has already decided how to handle something, and most importantly, it is very damaging to a relationship because it can feel a lot like a parent telling what to do. Who wants that?

Also, by pushing your values, ideals and beliefs on someone who hasn’t asked to hear them, you run the risk of making this person feel uncomfortable talking to you, which may leave them with no support at all.

In general, to maintain more balanced relationships be supportive, and unless asked or the person is heading into impending danger, really think before handing out unsolicited advice. It will help both feel more like equals in the relationship, and trust me, you will feel better about it.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com
Author of the book “Feed your real hunger; Getting off the emotional treadmill that keeps you overweight”

I remember reading an article once about how the corset (a tight boned garment worn around the waist and hips of a woman) kept women under control because it made it hard to breathe and limited the things they could physically do. Basically it limited their full potential.

I am beginning to wonder if the insane pressure society places on women to try and make them maintain a body size that is not realistic is a bit like that corset, keeping women from reaching their full potential.

I remember as a young child sitting around the table listening to my mother and aunts talking not about how they would further their careers, but how they would lose weight. They spent tremendous time, energy, and resources one that one issue. Energy they could have used in many different and ways, ways that could have bettered themselves and their lives.

When I was a teenager my uncle married a doctor and she joined the family discussions. She was thin, happy, vibrant, and BRITISH (love her accent). When we first met her I remember how the women in my family pestered her about how to lose weight, what kinds of pills to take, and the like. I loved her no nonsense answer, “You all just need to go to college and get your degrees.” My mom asked her how that would cause anyone to lose weight. “It won’t but it will give you more opportunities so you can make your lives better, and isn’t that what you really want?” The family gaggle of women was shocked and some were mad about her answer but she was right. They were letting their worries about their weight keep them from reaching their fullest potential; they all should have been working on themselves instead.

Take off the corset of letting your feelings about your weight hold you back from doing the things in your life that you want and instead put more energy on creating FULL-fillment in your life. When you are more fulfilled, the weight may come off on its own, and if it doesn’t call me I can help : ) But in the mean time enjoy your life, there is so much more to it than just your weight.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

Author of the book “Feed your real hunger; Getting off the emotional treadmill that keeps you overweight”

I remember reading an article once about how the corset (a tight boned garment worn around the waist and hips of a woman) kept women under control because it made it hard to breathe and limited the things they could physically do. Basically it limited their full potential.

I am beginning to wonder if the insane pressure society places on women to try and make them maintain a body size that is not realistic is a bit like that corset, keeping women from reaching their full potential.

I remember as a young child sitting around the table listening to my mother and aunts talking not about how they would further their careers, but how they would lose weight. They spent tremendous time, energy, and resources one that one issue. Energy they could have used in many different and ways, ways that could have bettered themselves and their lives.

When I was a teenager my uncle married a doctor and she joined the family discussions. She was thin, happy, vibrant, and BRITISH (loved her accent). When we first met her I remember how the women in my family pestered her about how to lose weight, what kinds of pills to take, and the like. I loved her no nonsense answer, “You all just need to go to college and get your degrees.” My mom asked her how that would cause anyone to lose weight. “It won’t but it will give you more opportunities so you can make your lives better, and isn’t that what you really want?” The family gaggle of women was shocked and some were mad about her answer but she was right. They were letting their worries about their weight keep them from reaching their fullest potential; they all should have been working on themselves instead.

Take off the corset of letting your feelings about your weight hold you back from doing the things in your life that you want and instead put more energy on creating FULL-fillment in your life. When you are more fulfilled, the weight will come off on its own, and if it doesn’t, who cares, you will be happier.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
http://www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com/
Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger; getting off the emotional treadmill that keeps you overweight”

I get this question a lot from my clients, “How do I deal with my overweight child; what can I do to help?” (This is usually concerning a teenage daughter.)  I know from both personal and professional experience that handling this issue can badly damage your child’s self esteem in ways that are very hard to recover from.  So I recommend the following if you have a teenager who is struggling with weight:

• Watch the show Too Fat for 15 on TLC.  It will give you some perspective of what your child is going through emotionally.

• NEVER, EVER, EVER single a child out for their weight by saying things like, “we are worried about your weight,” or “should you be eating that?” or anything else that is critical or mean.  Don’t allow your other kids to tease them, or tell ugly stories about family members who used to be thin but now are fat, and say things like, “ you don’t want to be like them do you?”

Making them feel bad about it is what the bullies at school do all day long.  Encourage them by providing activities that IMPROVE self-esteem — like karate or dance classes or survival training.  What they need most is love and support, not criticism from the one place they need to feel the safest…home.

If someone in the family is at an unhealthy weight the whole family could benefit from eating a healthier diet and getting more exercise, so make changes familywide. 

• It is safe to assume that all food served at school is unhealthy.  If you want your child to eat a healthy lunch, you have to pack it yourself.

• Nutrition education in school is woefully inadequate.  Enroll yourself AND your teenager in a college-level nutrition class at the local JC (most high schools will let you) can be really helpful.

• Almost all children these days are eating too many carbs, sugars, and fats. The kids who aren’t fat have bodies that are better able to handle the extra calories; the overweight kids don’t.  I doubt the fat and thin kids really eat that differently.  

• Unless they are obese, putting them on a strict diet isn’t nearly as good as helping them build their self-esteem so that they will want to keep their bodies healthy and well nourished. If they are obese, do both. 

• If you are embarrassed about your overweight child’s appearance that is an issue you have that needs to be worked on.  Don’t put that on your child. Nothing will damage their self-esteem more quickly than letting them know you are embarrassed by their appearance. 

• Empower them to make more life-affirming choices the same way you would talk to them about any other safety issues. Know that you can’t be with them 24/7 to make sure they make the right choices. Ultimately, they have to do that for themselves. 

This issue is very important to and I hope you will take this advice to heart.  Your children need to know you love them no matter what, and that you want them to be healthy and happy.  That is the most important message you can convey. 

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com
Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger; getting off the emotional treadmill that keeps you overweight”

I work with quite a few people who find they can’t seem to stop feeling bad about a decision or series of decisions they made in the past and they want my help with “letting go of what happened.”  These may be things like quitting a job after a conflict only to find they can’t find another; moving out of one house because of problems with the house, only to discover the new space is too noisy. 

Very often when I dig a bit deeper I discover that there is something else going on in their lives that they are working hard to avoid having to deal with, like a household financial issue, relationship troubles with their partner, or the simple fact that they really aren’t happy with something in their lives and are too afraid to do what it takes to make a change. 

The result is they find themselves seemingly obsessing over something that they 1) can’t do anything about, and 2) really isn’t that important. But what these great “beating ourselves up over something we can’t undo” tools will help us do is distract us from the REAL issues that are far more difficult to face. 

Facing the reality of an unhappy marriage and all that entails is VERY hard, yet obsessing over these 20 pounds is relatively easy.  Facing the reality that you don’t know how to dig yourself out of a mountain of debt is hard, obsession over whether you should go to acupuncture school or stay in your current job is relatively easy. 

The truth is you will have to face that scarier monster that is lurking behind the issue you are constantly tossing back and forth in your head.  You may as well take back your power and deal with the real issues. Trust me, in the long run that approach is much, much better.

Jill Thomas CCHT

Healthy Habits Hypnosis

760-803-2841

www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger; getting off the emotional treadmill that keeps you overweight”

Jill Thomas CCHT

Healthy Habits Hypnosis
 

How NOT to be a victim
�
Personal safety is one of the most often overlooked aspects of our daily life.
Too often we play the odds that it will be someone else who gets attacked or robbed.
We lock our doors and we lock our cars and think that we will probably be okay.
Fortunately, in most cases that will be true.
�
However, if you fall into that unlucky percentage who finds themselves in a dangerous situation there are things you can do to help remain safe and there are things you can to make yourself seem less attractive to predators.
�
Here are just a few tips:
 

• If you find yourself confronted in a dangerous situation in a public environment never accompany the attacker to a different location, no matter what he says.
• Don’t afraid to ask a security guard at a shopping center or a co-worker at your place of employment to escort you to your car after dark.
• If you walk or run on a regular basis and listen to music while exercising, do not have speaker in both ears. Leave one ear free so you can hear what is going on around you.
• Look around as you walk. Looking down at the ground or tunnel vision straight forward can be a sign you are not paying attention to what is around you.
• If you are concerned that you are being followed or pursued, do not go home or to a police station. You do not want to give away your address and not all police stations are staffed 7/24. Go to a fire station for assistance. Even if all the engine crews are out taking care of an emergency, there will always be some at the fire station. They will help you. Simply honk your horn, etc. to get the attention of the personnel inside.

�
This is by no means a complete list but it does give some essentials. It is important to enroll in a woman’s personal safety class and to review what you learn there on a regular basis. Practice makes perfect!

Tony Whetstine
Instructor/Owner
Poway Samurai Martial Arts
13160 Poway Road, Poway, CA 92064
858-486-0059
tony@PowayMartialArtsSchool.com
www.PowayMartialArtsSchool.com

Trainer with the Fat Cat

I have 2 cats: Pixel is a little girl with short hair and Vector is big boy with long hair.  Vector always seemed a bit heavy for me… and I admit, I was concerned about being the trainer with the fat cat.  However, I was reluctant to put him on a diet because it’s hard to tell if he’s overweight… he’s so stocky and fluffy.  AND THEN I might be the trainer who starves her cat because of her own personal dysfunctions… omg, so hard to be a good mommy.

My vet rescued me by confirming Vector was bit heavy, and I should decrease his feeding.

So what does a diet for a fat cat look like?  Thought you’d find this interesting:

(1) Primary diet is wet (canned) food, which has more water and protein than dry food.
(2) Decrease dry food, which decreases calories from carbohydrates.
(3) Eliminate snacking – we no longer leave dry food out to nibble on all day.
(4) Actively play with indoor cats 2-3X per day, about 30 minutes of total play.
(5) Changes shouldn’t be drastic, and may not be necessary for all cats.

If this plan sounds familiar to you, it should… add vegetables, and it’s pretty much the same recommendations I make for humans who have trouble losing weight.

Point #5 is important because cats are small animals and should not be losing a pound a week.  Also, Pixel, the girl cat, was fed the same way as Vector, BUT does NOT need to lose any weight.

Now, you may ask… if we fed both cats the same way, how does Vector end up being 40% heavier than Pixel?  SUPER INTERESTING QUESTION!  We FED the cats the same way, but their individual feeding habits were very different: Pixel loves wet food and is active around regular meal times.  Vector prefers dry food, eats it all day long, and bugs us to fill his bowls whenever we make any motion towards them.

The changes we made were small: we kept the same amount of wet food, and decreased dry food to a measured amount once a day.

Results: Both cats protested the decreased food for 3 days, then mellowed out.  Vector has lost 0.4 pounds so far.  Pixel has not lost any weight.  And… this was the surprising thing… Vector is now MUCH MUCH MORE active!  And affectionate!

Hope this helps with your pets or your own fitness!

Christine Burke

760-575-4277

LightheartedFitness.com

Trainer with the Fat Cat

I have 2 cats: Pixel is a little girl with short hair and Vector is big boy with long hair.  Vector always seemed a bit heavy for me… and I admit, I was concerned about being the trainer with the fat cat.  However, I was reluctant to put him on a diet because it’s hard to tell if he’s overweight… he’s so stocky and fluffy.  AND THEN I might be the trainer who starves her cat because of her own personal dysfunctions… omg, so hard to be a good mommy.

My vet rescued me by confirming Vector was bit heavy, and I should decrease his feeding.

So what does a diet for a fat cat look like?  Thought you’d find this interesting:

(1) Primary diet is wet (canned) food, which has more water and protein than dry food.
(2) Decrease dry food, which decreases calories from carbohydrates.
(3) Eliminate snacking – we no longer leave dry food out to nibble on all day.
(4) Actively play with indoor cats 2-3X per day, about 30 minutes of total play.
(5) Changes shouldn’t be drastic, and may not be necessary for all cats.

If this plan sounds familiar to you, it should… add vegetables, and it’s pretty much the same recommendations I make for humans who have trouble losing weight.

Point #5 is important because cats are small animals and should not be losing a pound a week.  Also, Pixel, the girl cat, was fed the same way as Vector, BUT does NOT need to lose any weight.

Now, you may ask… if we fed both cats the same way, how does Vector end up being 40% heavier than Pixel?  SUPER INTERESTING QUESTION!  We FED the cats the same way, but their individual feeding habits were very different: Pixel loves wet food and is active around regular meal times.  Vector prefers dry food, eats it all day long, and bugs us to fill his bowls whenever we make any motion towards them.

The changes we made were small: we kept the same amount of wet food, and decreased dry food to a measured amount once a day.

Results: Both cats protested the decreased food for 3 days, then mellowed out.  Vector has lost 0.4 pounds so far.  Pixel has not lost any weight.  And… this was the surprising thing… Vector is now MUCH MUCH MORE active!  And affectionate!

Hope this helps with your pets or your own fitness!

Christine Burke

760-575-4277

LightheartedFitness.com

Three years ago, just before Valentines’ Day, I was involved in a romantic relationship that was really bad, so bad that after my boyfriend violated another rule from the “don’t even think about it” list, I gave myself the ultimate gift, I broke off our two and a half year romance via voice mail then changed my number.  The result?  Everything that was bad and not working in my life suddenly became good again.  My business started improving, I was finally able to close a big deal I had been working on at work and my hair which had mysteriously started falling out began to grow back full and healthy, but more importantly, I began to feel happy again.   

The reason I tell you this is because some of you reading this are involved in relationships (not just romantic ones) that are sucking the life out of you, like a vampire, leaving you feeling weak and unhappy.  Removing yourself from those relationships or setting proper boundaries is one of the most important things you can do for yourself and it’s the truest act of self-love I know.

For women trying to end a romantic relationship can be especially hard because when we become intimately involved with someone, hormones get released and a bond is created.  For the first two weeks, breaking that bond can feel a bit like going through a drug withdrawal because in a lot of ways it is.  The book, The Alchemy of Love and Lust, by Theresa Crenshaw (highly recommended) explains this process.

With all the challenges going on in the world we as humans are being called to be the highest and best versions of ourselves, and you, like everyone, have an important part to play in this world.  Your light is so needed and if something or someone is causing it to dim you owe it to yourself and the world as a whole to do everything it takes to fix that.  Your happiness, your family’s happiness, and your physical health depend on it.  This Valentine’s Day be grateful for the wonderful relationships you have and make note of the ones that may need to be happily sent on their way, and love yourself enough to make those changes. You are so very worth it. 

Happy Valentines day.

Jill Thomas CCHT

Healthy Habits Hypnosis

760-803-2841

http://www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com/

Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger; getting off the emotional treadmill that keeps you overweight”

This organization is working with the state to try and save Palomar by raising the $ to fill the budget shortfall.  They are very close to their $60,000 goal.  Please help.
http://www.friendsofpalomarsp.org/3.html

In these tough times people need places of peace they can go that don’t cost a lot yet bring them joy.  We can’t let the state take these places away.  Help save this park, it helps to many people.

Jill Thomas CCHT

Healthy Habits Hypnosis

760-803-2841

www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger; getting off the emotional treadmill that keeps you overweight”

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2012/01/18/top-5-solutions-for-emotional-eating/