Failure and commitment

Failure and Commitment

As the New Year rolls in and we are busily working hard not to forget the resolutions made last month, I am reminded of one important reason why so many things we try to do fail.  Most often we fail, not because we don’t want something badly enough, although that is sometimes part of it.  Often it’s because we fail to allocate enough resources to do the job–resources in the form of time, money, and expertise.

Let’s look at the most common resolution, “Weight Loss”.  It’s so easy to sign up for a gym membership (LA Fitness has a great promo right now, if you are interested).  But it’s not so easy to schedule the time to go and get your much needed exercise.  It’s very easy to schedule an appointment with your personal trainer to get an evaluation, but not so easy to put in the time to make those changes.  The same is true for the diet book you bought–maybe read– but never put to use in a meaningful way.

Most people don’t realize when they write down a resolution just what would really go into making that “wish” into a reality.  I see this all the time with clients. They are only willing to work out if it’s convenient or try eating healthier if they don’t have to give anything up.  That wishy-washy kind of commitment sends a message to your unconscious mind that you really aren’t that serious.  Just like telling your child to stop doing something bad and not really meaning it, your unconscious mind knows that any roadblocks will knock you off course, so it may as well find them now and save you the trouble of doing it later.

 It’s never convenient and, yes, you will have to give some things up if you want to create something amazing. But if you really want something, it’s usually not as hard as you think and the rewards can change your life forever.

Think of a resolution, like losing weight, as being like a new project you were put in charge of at work.   Just like a work project you need to allocate resources such as time (five hours per week to work out), money, (allocate an amount for things like a gym membership or to use a food program like Medifast, or for a Weight Watchers), and expertise–finding out which experts (like a nutritionist) you will consult to make your vision a reality.  These will all take money and also time, and you will need to decide how much you are ready, willing, and able to commit.

The reality is that to succeed at overcoming a challenge, you really need to overwhelm it with solutions.  Expect things to cost more, take more time, and require more resources in general than you think they might and commit to doing whatever it takes to make that happen.  By doing this you take the hesitation of “I’m not sure: this is hard” out of the situation and tell yourself on both a conscious and unconscious level that you really mean business. 

The good news is change is possible and it starts with loving yourself enough to do what you have to do to be the healthiest version of yourself.  Make this the year you make that change–you are worth it.

Jill Thomas CCHT

Healthy Habits Hypnosis

760-803-2841

www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger; getting off the emotional treadmill that keeps you overweight”

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Old Limiting Beliefs

Old Beliefs

Like a lot of people, at some point in my life I started to examine some of the beliefs handed to me by my parents and to question how true they really were. Some beliefs I modified, some I discarded, and some I just got mad about because I realized how restrictive they were. 

Things like:

-You need to learn how to cook so you can be a good mother. My mother was a good cook but so is Trader Joe’s and I hate to cook, but I think I can still be a good mom if I want to

-You can’t be deeply spiritual if you have a lot of money. My church has a lot of money so this one can’t be true, and I don’t want to be limited to being poor or unspiritual so, forget that one. 

-You have to be perfect.  I am quite sure every book in my library has mistakes in it, and I know my own book does.  I don’t think it’s possible and I don’t have time to be perfect, so forget it.

The problem is that many of the most destructive and limiting beliefs we hold are actually unconscious.  Meaning you aren’t really even aware that they are running the show, but they can interfere just the same. 

Things like:

-I don’t deserve to be happy because I’m too _______ (whatever mom, dad or your sports coach threw at you in a moment of anger when you were six.)

-Good things can happen to others but not to me because I’m _______ (bad, stupid, short, whatever.)

What gives these lots of power is we always seem to find evidence of them in our lives.  If we don’t get the job we wanted, we believe it’s because we were too fat, rather than looking at the fact that they had 150 applicants for one underpaid position.  Or, if we don’t believe we deserve something good we tend to attract people into our lives who reinforce that belief by saying mean things to us.  

I love the scene in the movie, The Matrix, where a child is trying to show Neo how to bend a spoon. “Don’t try to bend the spoon. That’s impossible. Just realize the truth; there is no spoon.”

The truth is you have no limitations more powerful than the ones you hold in your own mind.  If you want change, let those limiting beliefs go.  Then major change is possible. 

If you need help letting go of limiting beliefs give me a call, I am here to help.

Jill Thomas CCHT

Healthy Habits Hypnosis

760-803-2841

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Confidence is Key

Confidence is Key  
       
Years ago I watched a program about a very special school for girls in one of the poorest areas of New York.  The principle who was also one of the teachers said one of the biggest challenges facing the girls at this school was a lack of self esteem and self confidence.

She really wanted to do something about this debilitating issue so when she would catch the girls walking down the hall shoulders and the head down not making eye contact or not speaking up in class and she would gently tap them on the chin and remind them: “Head up, shoulders back, now look me in the eye, Your Beautiful.” 

She said that learning how special they were as people was one of the most important things she could teach them and would serve them more than almost any other lesson.  I completely agree and what she said touched me so that I say those words to myself all the time.

Her message runs in sharp contrast to what many of us grew up hearing “Children are to be seen and not heard.”  Our parents often socialize us believe that our true value in the world is what we can do for others.  “Be a doctor, lawyer, nurse so you can make good money” or “You are going to be a great mother someday”.  With these messages no wonder so many people tell me “I am a great lawyer, doctor but I have no confidence and very little self esteem”.  The SELF part is what’s missing and that’s the part we as a society most need to work on.

So how do we fix self esteem issues?

Unfortunately to fix this takes more than getting your hair done and losing some weight.  It takes years of retraining yourself to make your needs important to you.  Start with little things like buying yourself flowers just because and booking time on your schedule for “doing nothing”. Then start moving into more difficult things like saying “no” to someone’s request for your time and doing something with yourself instead and asking for a raise if you think you deserve one.  You may not get a raise but asking tells yourself and the world that you know you deserve the best. 

So next time you catch yourself looking down and not feeling like the equal of those around you think to yourself:

“Chin up, shoulders back, now look them in the eye, you are beautiful!” 

If you go to the recordings section of my website you will find a great free confidence meditation. 

Let me know if I can be of service to you.

Jill Thomas CCHT

Healthy Habits Hypnosis

760-803-2841
http://www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com/

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Affirmations don’t work

Affirmations don’t work

I am sorry to say it but affirmations don’t work.  For most people an affirmation is a statement of something they wish were true in their lives but isn’t.  They repeat the affirmation many times a day expecting miraculous change.  Maybe they even call a hypnotherapist and them to help them imbed those words deep in their unconscious.  That won’t work by the way-but call me anyway I would love to hear from you. 

If you want something to be different you actually have to take real action-repeating a phrase many times doesn’t count as “action”. 

Go ahead and create your list anyway but after you are done try adding the following steps to the process.  They do count as “action”.

Take your list then ask yourself “why this situation is not the way I want it to be?”  Keep asking why until you get the core issue uncovered and work on that. 

For example let’s use one of mine from 10 years ago:

“I weigh 145 pounds”

 Why don’t I weigh that?  “Because I eat too much”

Why?

Because I like food

Why?

Because it helps me feel better

Why? Or in this case “why do I feel bad”

Because I am sad and lonely.

Ahh…Sadness and loneliness-those were the core issues I needed to address in order to lose weight.  Taking action on that problem led to me eventually losing over 70 pounds.

The core issue will usually seem pretty simple and may actually make you feel a strong emotion when you read it. Some of them will not be as simple or as straight forward as that but the point of this exercise it to look inside and focus on the “why not” of your situation rather than just expecting a miracle.  You can still do that but by taking steps to address your underlying block you will actually be creating your miracle. No affirmations required. 

Jill Thomas CCHT

Healthy Habits Hypnosis

www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

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The good the bad and the “just the way it is”

The duality of life

Gutzon Borglum who designed Mount Rushmore was an active member of the KKK. Albert Einstein was a womanizer who had almost no relationship with his children. Benjamin Franklin who was famous for his diplomatic ability also had bitter conflicts within his own family.   My own great-grandfather, whom I adored, was so loving toward me yet he was also an alcoholic who abused his wife and children.

So many of our great hero’s have ugly shadow sides that often don’t get shared because they might take away from their “Hero” status.  Our hero’s are capable of such greatness yet can and often do use that same energy to create some great ugliness in their lives. 

Should we discount the good because of the bad or pretend the bad didn’t exist because of the good?  Should Tiger Woods athletic achievements be made to seem less amazing because he um…well you all know what he did.  Does Gutzon Borglum’s anti-semitism make Mount Rushmore seem less amazing or E=MC squared less of a discovery?  That’s for each person to decide for themselves.  To me having a more complete picture makes our heroes seem more real.  We all know Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves but knowing that he suffered occasional suicidal depression makes him more than just a picture on a penny.  It’s ok to be more honest about our hero’s and more authentic with ourselves.

We need to give ourselves a break when we think unloving thoughts about someone close to us or (I did this one) accidentally hit “reply to all” on an email saying something not very nice about someone.  Sometimes we are nice people sometimes we are not but always we are both.  That is the duality of life accepting that everyone and every situation is both will help give you more realistic expectations of yourself and the people around you.

Life is duality. All good has the capacity for bad and we have to stop expecting things, people or situations to always be perfect.

I am leading a monthly Healers Connect group for woman in the healing arts.  If you are interested send me an email and I will forward the invite.

Have a wonderful Halloween!

Jill Thomas CCHT
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

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Who’s not there for you

Who’s not there for you?

It would be so nice to pretend that everyone in your life supports you in all your life’s pursuits but sadly many of us have learned the hard way, that’s not always the case.  Sometimes the people closest to you for reasons very much their own will not want you to succeed and will even sabotage your efforts to achieve your highest goals.  Whether it’s the husband bringing home your favorite chocolate donuts when you are on a diet or your mother making an unpleasant comment about how much money that diet program is costing when “you probably won’t succeed this time either.”  Those people can really make things hard for you.  Fortunately there are a few things you can do to minimize the damage.
 

  1. Be clear with yourself about who really IS there for you.  How supportive is your mom really? If you won’t be honest with yourself who will you be?
  2. A timer is your friend:  There is a member of my family who get 8 minutes when they call, less if it’s a monologue about their problems.  I love them but that’s all I can take.
  3. Sometimes you have to get clear with people:  if your friend criticized everything you did and made you feel bad about yourself would they still be your friend?  I hope not.  For some reason we think because its family we can’t tell them to “quit it” when they bully us.  We can, and most of the time they will listen.  If they don’t it may be time to leave and that’s ok because you deserve to be treated with respect from everyone-most especially your family.
  4. Dad does not always know best: It doesn’t matter if your dad “created” you, he is not always right.  Thank him for sharing and listen to your own inner wisdom, it’s your life. 
  5. If your partner makes more than you they still only get an equal share in what to do with it.  Everyone contributes something different to a relationship and the cash is not the only important part.  Acknowledge how important your part is.
  6. Less is more: You don’t have to and sometimes shouldn’t share all that you are working on with your family.  If they don’t know about it how will they try to interfere, right?

I could give you 10 more suggestions on dealing with unsupportive family (ask me why I know so much about this subject) but the bottom line is know your limits.  Set proper boundaries and don’t be afraid to ask for what you need.  If they don’t give it to you find a way to give it to yourself.  You deserve the very best, now go get it!

**As a special “thank you” for your referrals; refer a friend and get $25 off your next session AND your friend gets $25 off their first session! Yea, everyone gets something.

Let me know if I can be of service to you.

Jill Thomas CCHT

Healthy Habits Hypnosis

760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

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>Its ok to say something sucks!

>Its ok to say something sucks!

A lot of new age wisdom talks about not focusing on the bad or uncomfortable things in your life and to some extent I agree but not entirely. Awhile back I had a cancer patient in my office talking about how she was trying really hard to focus only on the positive and not let her mind wander to her negative feelings. It had been a struggle and she was there asking me to help her make it easier. “I want you to make it so I only think positive thoughts.” Hmmm, I thought, good luck with that.

I asked her how she really felt. “Well, most of the time I’m ok but quite frankly this really sucks!” Now she was being real and I far preferred that version of her. The truth is we have to acknowledge our feelings, the good the bad and the really screwed up. That doesn’t mean we have to swim in a deep pool full of them for hours but they do need to be given a voice. To suppress the parts of you that have negative feelings is not only disrespectful to yourself but also counter-productive. Those unacknowledged feelings don’t just go away they go deeper. When you keep ignoring them they will begin to pester when you let your guard down, like when you are trying to sleep.

Emotions are just feelings and can’t hurt you. The following are things you can do to help emotions (particularly unpleasant ones) come in and go out of your mind when you are done with them.

Journal: The undisputed king of emotional healing. Write down how you feel. Use the F-word if you need to, it’s ok to just let it out. A 20 page rant is good for you and will help you feel better.

Exercise: This is a suggestion from my friend Michele Meiche. Focus on an unpleasant emotion then go for a run while allowing that emotion to move through you. At the end of your run bring up a picture of the opposite emotion or situation and allow yourself to feel that for a while. It helps you see and feel both sides of a situation.

Yoga: This is kind of exercise too but in a different way. Most people don’t realize this but emotions are actually caused by hormones that float in your body. They have found receptor sites for emotions in tissues all over the body. Doing yoga will help you free old or stuck emotions from those tissues.

Eating: Never use food to deal with emotions with one exception. Very dark chocolate (over 70% cocoa) had been clinically shown to help release a love-related chemical known as phenylethylamine which can actually make you happier. My favorite is the Endangered species 88% Cocoa individual wrapped chocolate pieces. 50 calories each for those of you that care.

Being honest with yourself about all your feelings really is the healthiest way to be. Feeling bad for a few minutes a day will not make bad things happen to you, sometimes the bad just happens. Love yourself through all your feelings even the ones you wish you didn’t have. Eventually they too shall pass and you can move on.

Jill Thomas CCHT

Healthy Habits Hypnosis

760-803-2841

www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

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>Get Some sleep

>Sleep Troubles

Ahh… sleep. This is such a big issue for many of my clients and is a big source of personal frustration. Often people tell me they wake up and have to go to the bathroom then don’t fall back to sleep. Your body has a hormone that gets released at bedtime which should keep this from happening so unless you are drinking a lot of fluid at bedtime waking up is a sign that something else is going on.

I have done a lot of research over the years on this issue and created this list of suggestions that have helped many of my clients get a good night sleep. Hope this works for you.

-No alcohol or large doses of sugar 3-4 hours prior to bed: Sugar and Alcohol can have a similar effect on the body’s blood sugar. If you consume it too close to bed your blood sugar can fluctuate often causing you to go to sleep ok but become wide awake a few hours later.

-No Caffeine 3 hours before bed: This one is obvious but often forgotten. Caffeine affects your system longer than you think so stop the soda, coffee and tea well before bed.

-Try a little bit of protein right before bed: Blood sugar fluctuations can cause you to wake up. Try a bit of protein like a small piece of chicken or a boiled egg at bedtime. This will give your body something to work on while you sleep. Exception-protein shakes which are mostly sugar

-No news right before bed: In preparation for sleep your brain waves start to move into patterns similar to the hypnotic state so watching something violence (like the news…) right before bed puts the world’s problems deep into your mind at a time when its more open to suggestions. This is why we often have nightmares about the last thing we watched on TV.

-When wide awake for over 20 minutes get up: Tossing and turning for the next hour will not help you sleep and puts a strain on your relationship. Getting up usually helps to reset the body’s clock and will help you get better rest the next night.

If you are waking up with a “To Do” list in your head try just putting a small notebook by your bed and writing down your ideas. Sometimes if you just write it down you can go back to sleep.

Troubles and worries will always be there and allowing them to rule your life will only make you miserable. Try these suggestions plus the sleep MP3 available on my blog and you may find yourself sleeping comfortably again.

“>http://www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com/Audio/Sleep.mp3

I am still doing my Bi-Weekly weight loss support group. The next meeting is on July 12th at 6:30 and the topic is “How to end Emotional Eating”. Hope you can join us!

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>End Sugar Cravings

>Sugar Cravings

“When we taste human blood a sort of frenzy begins and it’s almost impossible to stop.” -Edward Cullen in the movie Twilight.

Substitute the word sugar for blood in the above statement and you are accurately describing how many people feel after they eat sugary foods particularly if they don’t eat anything else with it. Overeating sugary foods is a major factor in many people’s inability to achieve their weight loss goals. And as with many health issues there is both a physical and mental component to it.

On the mental side years of birthday cake, Valentine’s Day candy and “I love you” chocolates have trained us to associate feelings of love and connection with sugary foods. As a result many of us crave sweets when we want to feel more loved and connected with others.

On the physical side eating sugar often sets in motion a chemical chain of events that sends our blood sugar levels up and down and causes us to crave even more sugar not long after our first large dose.

In both cases sweets never fully satisfy your cravings so you just keep eating until guilt or the bottom of the bag compels you to stop.

So how do we make the cravings go away?

Ok you aren’t going to like this answer but on the physical side the only way to make them stop is to not eat sugar. Just cut it out of your diet, which is not easy to do since its in EVERYTHING. If you cut it out completely for 2 weeks your body will stop craving it.

On the emotional side when you get a sugar craving you have to stop and ask yourself “What do I really want?” or “What am I trying not to feel by craving sugar?” Then work toward giving yourself what you really need. Hint: It’s never more sugar.

The answer is usually something like “Something to do, I’m bored” or “Someone to talk to, I’m lonely.” In both cases sugar will not help at all but phoning a friend or just about anything else will and that’s what you need to do to really heal this issue. If you consistently feed yourself what you really want rather than the sugar you will start to get the information “I’m bored let’s call a friend” rather than “I want a candy bar.” That’s when you will have completely shifted out of this habit.

So what about artificial sweeteners?

BOOO! Those are so bad for you it’s hardly worth mentioning. And eating them increases your sugar cravings rather than decreasing them.

The following link will take you to an MP3 that can help you reduce your physical sugar cravings and increase your feelings of self love.

http://www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com/Recordings.aspx

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

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>What are you afraid of?

>What are you really afraid of?

The other day I woke up in the middle of the night with a terrible fear of being abducted by aliens. (Note to self: no more movies about alien abductions right before bed.) As I lay in bed trying to calm myself down from what is undoubtedly the stupidest fear that has ever kept me awake at night, I realized it wasn’t aliens that had me afraid; it was something else. The aliens were just the object I assigned my fear to because that’s what I was thinking about. My real fear was under that, and it was something very real.

I have been in the process of getting my book ready for publication, and the fear that has me is of losing control of something I have worked so hard to create. That fear is something that could happen, and though there are things I can do about it, to some extent I will have to face that fear and move on.
The reality for most of us who are experiencing feelings of fear is that the real issue goes deeper than what seems to be in front of us now — the thing that’s being tossed around our minds late at night. Very often it’s the same fear I had … of losing control.

Control is an illusion and none of us really has as much as we think we do. At any time our life can be turned upside down by things well beyond our control. Accidents, financial issues and illness are real things we live with all the time. And just like the bully that preys on our weakness, fears can beat us up and take away our joy. The only way to handle them is to face them.

When you are feeling fear, worry or anxiety, ask yourself, “What’s under this?” And keep asking until you feel like you have hit the core issue. The core issue is usually something you can’t do a lot about and it’s often the thing you are most afraid of.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

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