Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in healing, Uncategorized | Posted on 12-04-2014
Tags: anxiety, family trouble, holidays, hypnosis, in laws, weight loss
I have to spend Christmas with the Anti-Christ
One of my clients showed up with the above dilemma asking for advice. Since I know she has several people in her life who qualify for that title, I had her explain whom exactly she was referring to. “Oh, my mother-in-law,” she replied. “A woman whose complete narcissism and thinly veiled contempt for me make spending the holidays so much fun.“
She continued, “My mother-in-law spends the first 10 minutes or so complaining about how my husband and I had to spend Christmas Eve with my parents rather than be with her. She says, ‘It’s not fair. You go there every year.’ That’s right, we do. So why would this year be any different? She needs to just get over it. My brother-in-law, who usually shows up very late, walks in and almost immediately pretends to fall asleep on the couch while my husband is usually assigned some bogus task like taking boxes out of one place and moving them to another. He actually likes this because now he’s out of the room leaving me to listen to his mother’s 1-2 hour bitter monologue. She weaves a very impressive web of negativity; if it were smoke, it would canvas and darken the entire sky. She complains about everyone and everything she has ever encountered. She has absolutely no interest in anything I might say. In fact, if I calmly said, ‘The house is on fire,’ she would say, ‘That’s nice,’ and go back to her monologue.”
“Don’t you have a sister in law,” I ask.
“Oh, her. I think I’ve only met her twice because every family event she calls in with some reason why she can’t make it. My husband and I bet each other on what the excuse will be. My money is on a headache. My husband says she’ll have cold since she used headache last year. Back to my mother-in-law, please don’t tell me to ‘Kill her with kindness’. It seems wrong that we as a family have to spend the most holy of holidays with people who clearly dislike each other’s company so very much?”
Well, I am sure this is the part where I am supposed to tell her about learning to get along or some other spiritual principle, but I bet she’s already heard that lecture. Instead, I tell her the truth as I see it.
“Why don’t you call in sick too?” She says she doesn’t want to. So I have to ask, “Do you kind of like being there?”
She ponders for a second and says, “Maybe a bit, in a Real Housewives kind of way. It is somewhat entertaining to see what drama emerges from these events, and my mother-in-law loves to make up or extremely exaggerate stories. My husband and I compare notes later and try to figure out what she said that might actually be true.”
“So you do have fun?”
“Yes, I guess so, but I feel like I shouldn’t enjoy this. It seems sacrilegious, and it’s not always fun, especially when my mother-in-law doesn’t feel like waiting until I am completely out of the room before she starts complaining about me and making up “did you hear what she said” stories.”
“But doesn’t it make a great story?”
“Yes,” my client says. “But who can I tell it to besides you?” (and my entire database, but she doesn’t know that part yet) *This story was shared with permission.
I respond with the following suggestion, “How about you invite some friends over to your house for a December 26th white elephant gift party where you trade family drama stories as well as crazy gifts?”
“Wow, that would actually be fun. I might do that, thanks!” (Still waiting for my invite)
You aren’t likely going to fix your family dynamic before the holiday. Instead of spending it being mad and annoyed, see it as a truly unscripted ridiculous reality show. If that doesn’t work, my radio show guest Jackleen Holton shared some great tips on how to lovingly deal with family over the holidays. Click HERE to listen.
Don’t let it bother you so much. It is not worth getting upset about. Enjoy the eggnog.
It’s been my pleasure to be of service to you this past year, and thank you all for sharing your inspiring, funny and sometimes very sad stories. I feel truly honored that you shared them with me, and I wish you all great joy and peace during the holidays and in the years to come.
Thank you for a wonderful year.
Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger” & “30 day weight loss Jumpstart” Hypnosis CD
For more information and free hypnosis meditations visit www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com