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Relationship Advice For Couples

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in healing | Posted on 01-30-2015

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Relationship Advice For Couples

Over the years, I have seen lots of married people in my office come in for all sorts of issues, many of them relationship concerns, and in that time, I have noticed a few things that I think are important to share.

First, I will preface this by saying, these are not hard and steady rules. Even in my practice I have seen exceptions, but these are common trends to consider.

The kiss of death in relationships:

Not sleeping in the same bed for any reason. Not a good sign. Even if the person claims it’s because someone snores, that never seems to go well for long.

Having kids when the relationship is on shaky ground. Bad idea. A child highlights a couple’s relationship weaknesses and turns a crack into a crevice very quickly. Some people think having kids will save their relationship, but in my experience, the opposite happens.

Not seeing each other. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder…” of someone else. I don’t know how military families survive deployment. They often don’t. Not being around your partner very much is never good for a relationship.

Making your whole life revolve around him and/or the kids. Everyone in the household needs and deserves their own interests, and it’s important for Mom to make sure she has her own things going on so she’s not depending on her children and husband for life satisfaction. Making your life all about them tends to make you more needy, and that is never healthy for a relationship’s longevity. Plus, it makes women terribly unhappy in the long run.

Drug, alcohol or sex addiction. Addictions ruin families, destroy your financial future and make enemies out of life partners. If this is an issue in the family, seek help right away.

Exes and step kids. Think long and hard if you are dating someone with a child because no matter how much you love that person or their children, the ex will always be a part of your relationship. That can make a marriage feel a bit crowded. Make an honest assessment to ensure you can handle this before you sign up for “Till death…” It’s not selfish to say it doesn’t work for you.

Things that are not necessarily the kiss of death:

– Cheating. It sounds like an instant end, but I have commonly heard from people that someone cheating was the best thing that happened to their relationship. It forced them to look at the problems in their partnership and work on their relationship. Many couples are able to survive this and thrive after.

Sexual Dysfunction. For either party, these issues can be resolved, and often the process of working together as a couple on these issues makes the couple stronger than before.

Workaholics. Sounds bad and sometimes it is the kiss of death, but if both people are working hard at their own things, they can still have a lovely, happy partnership. Problems tend to arise when one person is a stay at home partner, and the other is always gone.

Again, these are observations, not hard and steady rules. Do keep in mind, people typically come in because something’s not working well. As I have seen these same issues over and over again, I wanted to share what I have learned. Hope this gives you some insight. Feel free to share any advice you might have.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com
http://www.facebook.com/healthyhabitshypnosis
Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger” & “30 day weight loss Jumpstart” Hypnosis CD
For more information and free hypnosis meditations visit www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

How I overcame my fear of public speaking

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in healing | Posted on 01-09-2015

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I was standing in front of a group of medical doctors about to give a speech on enzymes that my college physiology professor helped me write the day before. I remember thinking, “Is it too late to quit this job?” I wasn’t the first choice to give this speech. I was the third, but I was there now standing in front of the crowd. So yes, it was a bit too late to quit.

Two weeks earlier, I had started a job as an invoice clerk for a vitamin company. Someone figured out pretty quickly that people love to buy things from me so I got moved to sales. A trade show in Colorado that was coming up had us all busy helping my boss’s boss prepare to give a speech to a group of medical doctors—a notoriously unfriendly crowd. My boss’s boss got sick, and then my boss quit… Someone had to fly to Vail, Colorado to give the speech and spend the week selling vitamins at the show. For some reason, I—a 23 year old nursing student and new hire—seemed like the right choice. Those fools!

When approached about doing this, I gave the only answer someone who both needed the money desperately and was new on the job could give, ”Sure, no problem. I can handle it.” In my dreams maybe, but in reality, I was freaked out.

I threw up twice on the plane ride over, intentionally left my glasses on the table so I could not see the crowd while giving my speech and gave a 5 minute presentation in 90 seconds flat, but most importantly, I survived. Later, one of the doctors came up to me and commented that I seemed so at ease. She wanted to know how I became so comfortable with public speaking. I said, “I am an actress in my spare time (a total lie) and apparently, a VERY good one.”

Prior to that experience, I felt scared even using my company’s intercom system because I didn’t like hearing my voice vibrate throughout the whole building. After completing that public presentation, I could have sung “Yankee Doodle” on the intercom and been fine.

That’s what happens when you reach out of your comfort zone and up the next rung on the ladder to do something more difficult. Suddenly, everything below that level becomes easy.

In my career as a hypnotherapist I have since given countless speeches, presentations, radio show interviews and even a few you-tube videos and I sometimes get nervous, but it doesn’t keep me from wanting to get my message out there and doing it anyway. Still, I know that if something is hard for me, in order to make it easier, I reach for the next higher rung on the ladder and do that. This is why I started my own Blog Talk radio show interviewing guests about how to create the body and life they want using the power of their mind—I wanted to stop being nervous about being a guest on someone else’s show!

If you want to get out of the box of fear you have put yourself in, try doing the next harder thing on the ladder, the one that’s a big stretch. I guarantee you will be able to handle it, and I know that everything you previously thought was hard will suddenly become a lot easier. You will become a stronger, more amazing person because of it. I’ll meet you up there since I’m looking for my next thing too.

Love yourself enough to allow yourself to truly realize your full potential by always reaching and growing.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com
http://www.facebook.com/healthyhabitshypnosis
Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger” & “30 day weight loss Jumpstart” Hypnosis CD
For more information and free hypnosis meditations visit www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com