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Satisfaction You Will Never Get I hear the great advice given to clients from psychotherapists about confronting the person who caused harm in their life—the father who beat them, the mother who did nothing to protect them, the bully at school, or as is often the case, the relative who molested them....

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How you treat people is important

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 03-27-2015

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How you treat people is important

My husband came home from a coffee appointment angry with someone whose services we were using. “We are never doing business with that guy again.” I wondered what this guy did since you have to work really hard for my husband not to like you.

“We meet at a deli to go over the details, and he ordered coffee. When it comes, he complains to the waitress that it’s too cold and sends it back, then asks for a total of 4 more refills over the next hour.” Ok, I’m thinking so far pretty ordinary, and I keep listening. “Then, we get up to leave, and he makes a big show of counting out a 25% tip mostly in nickels and debating whether he should give her 20% instead.” Not nice, but I’m still not seeing the problem. My husband does the math for me. “25% on a $2 cup of coffee is $.50.” WHAT?! That Jerk! My husband goes on to say he went back and gave the waitress a $5.

The next week someone asked my husband if he could recommend someone who offered that service. He was almost giddy when he said, “No, sorry, don’t know anyone.”

Total loss of that sale: Not sure but likely at least $1,000 dollars.

Sitting in the office across from reception, I once watched a programmer come in for a job interview do something so stupid it was almost painful to watch. He rudely rang the bell on the desk 5 times, and then when the receptionist showed up, he told her she should be more attentive that because of her he would be late for his job interview. He then said he had an appointment with the company’s owner. She smiled real big and said, “Oh, you have an appointment with my dad; I’ll show you the way.”

For some reason, he didn’t get the job. Weird.

Total loss: The job he interviewed for paid $85,000 per year.

At the Natural Products Expo this year, I was sampling some very tasty and crunchy potato chips. The salesperson is standing nearby and makes an incredibly sexist comment (which I will spare you) to a group of guys, myself, and one other woman who was probably in her fifties. Then he turns to us and says, “Oh, you girls are probably going to hold a grudge now because that’s what girls do.” Girls? We are both adults.

Now as a hypnotherapist, I am nobody to this person, but I glance at the woman’s name badge. It reads: “Category Manager, Snack Foods at COSTCO.” Now for those of you who don’t know, a category manager ranks higher than buyers. This lady is probably responsible for MILLIONS of dollars in buying decisions for her company and that fool just said something both stupid and offensive. We smile at each other and walk away.

Total loss: Not sure but could have been millions long term.

As someone who has put my foot in my mouth more times than I care to admit and been fired because of it, I really understand this problem. In my defense the “reply to all” button really should ask you “are you sure” when the email contains the word “idiot”.

The most important thing in this world is how you treat other people, particularly those you think of as being at the lower end of society or who are not in a position to help you. Treat EVERYONE with respect, even when it is hard. Not tipping a waitress, yelling at a receptionist, or being mean to a cashier is never the right way to treat someone making $8 an hour. Create the habit of being kind to everyone. Not only will that make the world a better place, you never know when you, as a person, will be judged based on that one angry or inappropriate comment directed at someone simply trying to be of service.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com
http://www.facebook.com/healthyhabitshypnosis
Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger” & “30 day weight loss Jumpstart” Hypnosis CD
For more information and free hypnosis meditations visit www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

What losing weight won’t do

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 03-12-2015

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What losing weight won’t do

I recently had a sixteen year old boy come into my office for self-esteem issues, not terribly unusual. But what was unusual was his very insightful observation of how his previous efforts to fix this issue hadn’t worked.

“I am here because I recently lost a lot of weight, but it didn’t give me what I wanted. You see, I thought that if I lost all the weight, I would gain confidence and self-esteem, but that’s not what happened at all. In fact, I probably feel less confident than I did before.” I asked him why he felt less confident. “It’s hard to explain, but I feel like I’m not me anymore. Being a “big boy” was kind of part of who I was. It was my thing, especially on the football team, and now that I am not, it’s hard to know how I fit in. People treat me differently, and I am not sure I like it. Some people don’t seem to know how to treat me at all since the fat jokes don’t work anymore, so they avoid me. I admit I feel a bit lonely and out of place.”

I had never had someone more perfectly describe a very common issue with people who lose weight without the help of a counselor to work on the emotional part. But in his case, what was unusual was that he was actually able to see for himself how the change made him feel, and he perfectly describes one of the reasons why I think so many people lose significant amounts of weight and gain it back so quickly.

To some extent, being overweight becomes a big part of their identity, and when that’s gone, there is a need to adjust and redefine who they are. This is especially hard for teenagers because losing weight also changes who they are in the group. If it’s a girl, she is no longer the fat supportive friend. She might now be seen as competition for boys. If it’s a boy, they might no longer be seen as the funny fat friend, and again, might be seen as competition.

This is just as true for adults as it is for teens. When a person goes though a major change like losing a lot of weight, their whole lives change. While they might think those changes will be welcome and positive, change (even very good change) can be difficult because it causes them to make major adjustments and in the case of weight loss, it may be adjusting how they view themselves and their place in the world.

In session we worked on improving his confidence, and I also helped him see himself as the healthiest version of his body, not defined by his weight but by who he is. We also worked on updating the inner picture he has of himself so that he starts to reprogram the unconscious mind to say, “This is what I look like now. Let’s keep it that way.” The new version needs to feel more comfortable and familiar than the old version for him to have any chance of staying at this new, healthy weight.

Losing weight will not make you confident. You have to do that work on your own, but getting healthy will change your life in more ways than you can imagine, and often we are not prepared for just how much.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com
http://www.facebook.com/healthyhabitshypnosis
Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger” & “30 day weight loss Jumpstart” Hypnosis CD
For more information and free hypnosis meditations visit www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com