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Bad Debt

Bad Debt One day over lunch the accountant at a company I worked for said she spent the morning writing off bad debt. “What exactly does that mean,” I asked. “Well, for taxes it means we had a loss, but for day to day purposes, it means a group of people owe us, and after many attempts to try and...

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Bad Debt

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 05-18-2015

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Bad Debt

One day over lunch the accountant at a company I worked for said she spent the morning writing off bad debt. “What exactly does that mean,” I asked.

“Well, for taxes it means we had a loss, but for day to day purposes, it means a group of people owe us, and after many attempts to try and collect, our company is no longer going to spend resources (my time or money) to try and collect those debts. They still owe us, but we are closing their accounts, and as a company, we will focus our resources elsewhere, on things that make us money, like more training for our sales staff.”

UghMore trainingI couldn’t help but notice a similarity between writing off bad debt and the concept of forgiveness.

You see, when we feel others have wronged us, we open a credit account in our mind and create a debt for them. They wronged us, so they owe us some kind of reparation. In reality, there are no reparations possible for the most harmful things done to us, but we still hold on. Like an open bank account, regardless of whether there is activity or not, there is a fee for keeping it open—in this case, emotional energy.

I don’t believe in the concept of forgive and forget the way most people present it. Forgive, maybe in the way I will describe below but forget? No way. It would be unwise to forget that someone who wronged you is capable of certain behavior.

By “forgive,” I don’t mean what they did was ok. In some cases, that wouldn’t be applicable, but what I am saying is… (Oh please, don’t let this put that song in my head) “Let it go.” Release YOURSELF from the situation. Choose to no longer focus your valuable emotional energy on what happened and get past the idea that someone else can EVER make it right. Shift your energy and efforts into moving forward and creating the life you want—making more money to make up for what was lost, finding new relationships to replace the ones where you were betrayed, but most importantly, closing the books on what happened. Not to forget, but to let go of the weight of that bad debt.

The part most people never talk about when discussing the idea of forgiveness is that usually the person we most need to forgive is ourselves. In most cases, almost everyone tells me there was some part of the negative exchange they wish they had done differently, something that could have prevented what happened.

“I should have locked the door.”

“I shouldn’t have broken up with him a long time ago.”

“I had a bad feeling about this person, and I ignored it.”

Start by forgiving yourself and releasing yourself from any part you feel you might have played. I like to do this by imagining a conversation with the other person involved, and I release him/her from the situation so we are both free to go in peace. You can also do this by journaling and/or writing a letter to the person that you never send.

You may need to close the account by deciding you will no longer be friends with this person. If he/she is family, you may decide not to spend as much time with him/her or develop other boundaries.

Don’t think this is about them or that you are doing anything for them by taking steps to let go. If you do it right, they won’t even know. This is about YOU, freeing yourself from all the bad feelings you are holding onto about what happened, so that you can recycle that energy and use it to create truly amazing things with it.

Love yourself enough to do the hard work of healing so you can truly have the life you want.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com
http://www.facebook.com/healthyhabitshypnosis
Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger” & “30 day weight loss Jumpstart” Hypnosis CD
For more information and free hypnosis meditations visit www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

 

Satisfaction You Will Never Get

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 05-12-2015

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Satisfaction You Will Never Get

I hear the great advice given to clients from psychotherapists about confronting the person who caused harm in their life—the father who beat them, the mother who did nothing to protect them, the bully at school, or as is often the case, the relative who molested them. What I don’t often hear is the warning I give my clients when they confront someone, the fact that very likely you will not get the satisfaction you are seeking.

Many of the people committing these injustices are very narcissistic, and as a narcissist, they either don’t see what they did as wrong or deny anything happened at all. Often what you hear when you confront someone is, “Oh, you are blowing this way out of proportion. I didn’t do anything wrong” or “You are lying. That didn’t  happen. You are making this up.” Often followed by another relative defending the one you confronted, “How could you say that about your father? We’ve done everything for you and this is how you repay us, with lies.”

Regardless of whether or not the person defending the accused actually believes he/she is innocent is irrelevant. It’s important to note that people’s memory of an incident can be very different, as well as the fact that things done behind closed doors may not be known by all family members. Only VERY rarely will you hear, “You are right. What I did was wrong, and I am sorry.”

If you are expecting any kind of reparation or an apology, you will be disappointed because that almost never happens. Don’t get me wrong, I think you should still have the conversation around how an abusive parent treated you, particularly if you need to explain why they won’t be getting custody of your kids if you die. But do this knowing it’s something you need to say, not because you expect something from them because you probably won’t get it.

Think of a crime or wrong that was committed to you as a bad debt since that’s how it feels to most people. Just like any bad debt, it rarely gets paid, and in this case “I’m sorry” would almost never cover it.

This is where forgiveness comes in. Now when I say “forgiveness” I don’t mean making it all ok and pretending it didn’t happen. That’s just crazy especially in the case of crimes like child molestation.You should never forget the person is capable of such acts. What I mean is to let the debt go and allow it to be paid back to you in some other way by gifts from the universe, higher power, God, or whatever you believe in.

Allow the past to be in the past and let yourself have an amazing future in spite of what happened. Sounds simple, but it’s not. I get that, but if you really want to move forward in life, you have to let go of the weight of these past hurts so you make space for something new and amazing.

I recommend writing down all the people and ways you have been wronged on pieces of paper. Burn them in the fireplace while you take a moment to ask the universe, God, your higher self, or whatever it is for you, to recycle that energy for you into something amazing. You may find that when you do this your relationships with the people involved improve dramatically even though they had no idea you did this.

Remember, it’s not about saying what happened was ok, and most importantly, it’s not about them. It’s about YOU and creating space to have the most amazing life possible. Love yourself enough to do the work of letting the past be the past.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com
http://www.facebook.com/healthyhabitshypnosis
Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger” & “30 day weight loss Jumpstart” Hypnosis CD
For more information and free hypnosis meditations visit www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com