Featured Post

Do What you Love

Do What You Love “I race only for fun” ~ Peter Sagan Many of you probably don’t know this, but I am a huge cycling fan. One of my absolute favorite athletes is champion road bicycle racer Peter Sagan, and not only because he wins (a lot!), but because unlike many his competitors, Sagan really...

Read More

Summer Fun and Weight Loss

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 05-25-2016

Tags:

0

FEEDYourRealHungerIn honor of what I expect will be amazing summer for everyone I am going to participate in Kindles giveaway program and my Weight loss book “Feed your real hunger; getting off the emotional treadmill that keeps you overweight” Will be free for the entire Memorial Day weekend.  (May 26th –30th) See link below if you are a Kindle user.

Here’s the thing, even if you don’t want to lose weight but have a Kindle I would love it if you downloaded the book because if mine becomes a “Bestseller” (funny huh) then I get a cool badge that I get to keep for when I do sell it.

http://www.amazon.com/Feed-your-real-hunger-overweight/dp/0984705406/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1322436860&sr=1-1

 

Additionally, I am also giving away Track 3 “Creating Healthy Habits” from my 30 Day Weight Loss Jumpstart companion CD which you can download using the link below.  That link will be good till July 31rst so be sure and save the recording on your laptop somewhere.  There is a pause before it starts after you click play-think I gave it too long of a buffer.

https://www.hightail.com/download/ZWJWanZrMVhmVGF4djhUQw

free-thecathouseonthekings

If you like the recording and are so inclined I would love it if you gave a buck to my favorite charity.  Cat House on the Kings which is a no kill, no cage cat shelter in Northern California. Or just accept it as my thank you for downloading the book.

http://www.cathouseonthekings.com/

Feel free to share all these links with anyone and everyone you know. I am very proud of both the book and the CD and I think you will like them too.

Wish you all a wonderful fun summer and let me know if I can be of service to you.


Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis

760-803-2841
HealthyHabitsHypnosis.com

Manipulation

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 05-17-2016

0

img_manipulation_01

There is a person in my family who is so good at manipulation, I would love her to write a book on the subject! Except I have this awful feeling that, somehow, she’d get me to write it for her and take all the credit… Anyway, she shows her special giftedness in controlling others by using a variety of different techniques, depending on whether she’s dealing with a family member, one of her circle of friends, or her coworkers.

The really aggravating part is that although I can clearly see her using tactics on my husband that wouldn’t work on me, I’ll suddenly find myself blindsided by another one of her maneuvers. Then it’s my husband shaking his head at me, saying, “You’ve been played by the master” as I stand there, dumbfounded, cleaning her fish bowl and perplexed at how it happened.

I think that understanding manipulation – why people do it, and how – is a valuable lesson for all of us.

As children, and particularly with girls, we are taught not to ask for the things we need, sometimes receiving messages from our parents that this is selfish, and will make us seem bossy or demanding (as in, “She’s such a bit**!”). For example, if a girl asks for something that the household can’t afford, her parents (usually mom) might minimize the girl’s need or desire with phrases like, “What are you going to do with that, anyway?” “That’s too expensive…don’t be greedy,” or “Who do you think you are, asking for that?”  Rather than making the discussion a lesson about money and needs versus wants, parents mistakenly shame their children for even asking.

Mom and dad don’t realize it, but this type of response to a child’s requests, rather than teach the child to be “unselfish” and “considerate,” teaches them they must figure out other ways to get their needs met. This is why, at a very early age, people discover that manipulation of others can bring about huge pay-offs. With practice, they learn which buttons to push, and with whom.

For instance, dad and mom may respond to them if they take advantage of “divorce guilt,” or “You-work-all-the-time guilt.”  For other relatives or friends, it might be the ol’ “You don’t want me to look bad in front of so-and-so, do you?” A variation on this, which unfortunately seems to work on me occasionally, is when someone plays on my wish to “look good” in front of others. They’ll say to me, “Oh! I am in such a bad way, and I need this soo much!” with pleading eyes and in a pitifully desperate voice, when others are standing there, too. It’s nearly impossible for me not to cave with pressure like this.

We can all be manipulative, and some of us do so far too often. Of course, in the meantime, others try their own control strategies on us. The hope is that we can learn to speak honestly and directly, unafraid to ask for what we need or want…whether we get it or not. Thankfully, much of the next generation is learning to be more straightforward and assertive, especially girls.

 

The next time you catch yourself talking in circles to try and subtly dictate someone else’s actions, think about using language that is more authentic.

Below are some examples:

Instead of:

“Doesn’t Rubio’s sound good? Their fish tacos are awesome!” 

Try:

“I would like to eat at Rubio’s tonight. Would that work for you?”

Instead of:

“I’m so lonely in this big house all the time. I could sure use some company…”

Try:

“Would you like to come over this weekend for dinner?”

Saying what you truly mean can spare you and the other person the drama of losing your temper when someone doesn’t do what you want them to. Take a deep breath instead, and say:

“In the future, I would prefer…”

Similarly, instead of resenting your significant other for not giving you what they should KNOW you want, remember that no one is a mind-reader! Play fair and try these phrases:

“I would like you to…”

“That doesn’t work for me. I would prefer…”

“I (think, need, feel) x, y, & z…”

If someone reacts to your directness with anger, or by telling you that you’re being selfish or unreasonable, listen to them and calmly respond, “I know, but that’s just how I am.” There is absolutely nothing wrong with being quirky, needy, or simply yourself at any given moment. Remember, though, that the other person has a right to say “no” to you, or even reject you if that is what they feel they must do.

Another tricky interaction is when someone lies to you consistently, and you wrestle with confronting them about it. After their next whopper, you might say, “I accept your answer, but I don’t believe you.” How you say this is important! If you speak in a neutral instead of emotional tone, you can often avoid an argument. Hopefully, the person will remember that you’re aware of their dishonesty, and they’ll tell the truth to you next time (either that, or they’ll lie more cleverly!)

Avoiding manipulation by being direct is sure to help you grow in self-esteem and confidence. But it requires a consistent effort to become aware of the way we relate to others, and practice at changing our old patterns. Keep reminding yourself that just as you are important and valuable, your needs and wants are valid and deserve to be shared.

 

 

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis

760-803-2841
HealthyHabitsHypnosis.com

A Few Bits of Advice my Mother Gave Me…or at Least, I Wish She Had

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 05-03-2016

0

img_mother_02

  • Once you start waxing, dying, or polishing any part of your body, you can never stop, and this will get expensive. Decide now to be happy with the genes your dad and I gave you… It’s so much cheaper that way!
  • About half of what I have told you over the years, under the guise of “wisdom,” is complete nonsense or domestic myth, particularly stories that end with someone not being able to see anymore (“You’ll shoot your eye out!”). The downside is, it may take you a lifetime to figure out which half is nonsense and which half is valuable truth.
  • Nylons and high heels were invented by a woman-hating man as a way of controlling women’s ability to move freely.  I’ll bet he never expected them to catch on the way they have! He must be so proud!
  • It’s not on the ingredient list, but they put crack cocaine in both bacon and sugar to make them highly addicting. Use both of these at your own risk.
  • You are perfect no matter what you look like. Your voice, your words, and your opinions are very important to me and to the world. Please never feel “less than” because of your weight, height, or any other aspect of your appearance.
  • In a world where many women are not allowed to work, drive, or even vote, it’s important that you do these things in honor of those who aren’t so lucky.

img_mother_01

  • You are worthy of the very best, which may mean saying “no” to people, places, and situations that are not for your highest good and in your very best interest, even if – in fact, especially if – doing that is difficult. Protect yourself the way you would protect your very own child.
  • Be your own best friend. In a world full of people who will want to take advantage of a kind and giving nature, make sure the one you give the most and best to is you. Don’t worry about being selfish.  Just thinking that you might be, means that you are not.
  • Don’t be fearful or naive. Most people are basically good, but some are not. Make sure you listen to that inner voice warning you when something, or someone, isn’t right. It’s the best defense you have. Even if your intuition is wrong, that’s totally okay, too.
  • Love yourself, no matter what stupid, childish, and occasionally reckless thing you do. This way, you will know that you are loved even with your flaws.
  • Lastly, know that one day I will be gone and that you will wish we had patched up our differences before I had left the earth. Maybe it’s time to try and do that now.

Happy Mother’s Day, everyone!

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis

760-803-2841
HealthyHabitsHypnosis.com