Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 07-21-2016
As some of you know, I’ve been a certified, practicing hypnotherapist for about ten years now. In that span of time—after talking to hundreds of clients about issues in their personal relationships—I feel a bit more qualified than most to share some general observations about human behavior in this area. Many of these common threads among my clients have surprised me, and maybe you, too. Or not. Anyway, here they are:
1. DIVORCE – Among couples who have divorced, a great number of men expressed regret. Quite a few times, I’ve heard things like, “My next marriage was so much worse than my first one!” “I should have worked harder on that first marriage,” or “The grass is definitely not always greener.”
By contrast, a lot of divorced women have said they wished they had gotten divorced much sooner than they did, and from them I hear things such as, “I can’t believe I waited so long for the freedom and fun I am having now!” and “We should have broken up a long time ago.”
As far as the children of divorced couples, nobody is happy about their parents getting divorced. However, I hear far more adults express shock and perplexity about why their parents “who clearly hate each other” are still together, than tell me they wish their parents hadn’t gotten a divorce. This last comment is actually quite rare.
2. CHEATING – From what my clients have confided, it appears that women cheat just as much as men, but are better at covering their tracks. The men almost always get caught, whereas the women seem to get away with it more often.
I can’t say why, but the ugliest cheating stories I’ve ever heard have come from exceptionally attractive women. Many former models have told me awful stories of men cheating “all over town” with their friends, sisters, and even prostitutes. At the same time, many plain-looking women tell me they are in happy relationships with devoted partners.
Even though we have been programmed to think that women who look better, keep their weight down, and get “enhancement” surgeries have happier lives, this is apparently not the case. Perhaps what women can take from this is that instead of worrying so much about those few extra pounds, focus more on choosing a better match.
3. MONEY – It is much more common – about four times as often, actually – that people tell me they’re staying in an unhappy relationship for money, as opposed to staying for the sake of the children. I hear both of these reasons fairly often, though.
4. BLAMING – Sadly, men come in complaining about having the same exact relationship issues with the last five women they’ve been with, and yet they still place the blame on the ex-partner: “There just aren’t any women out there who don’t have this problem!” They fail to realize that the one common factor in all those failed relationships is—them. By contrast, a woman is more likely to come in after several relationship failures and say, “It’s all my problem! Can you help fix me so I don’t choose this same kind of guy again?” This attitude shows more self-responsibility, but it’s likely that both men and women who repeatedly have unsuccessful relationships need to do some family-of-origin (issues with mom and dad) healing work.
5. ALTERNATIVE SEXUAL PRACTICES – I had always thought people with alternative sexual lifestyles – like swingers, polyamorists, or sex club participants – must have a lot of intense relationship problems that cause this behavior or result from it. Some do, I am sure, but after working with many of these people over the years, they seem to have the same frequency of relationship problems as everyone else, and actually tend to be more comfortable talking about the conflicts. In fact, from what I’ve observed, besides their sex lives, they are basically pretty ordinary people with normal occupations and the same issues as everyone else, just brought up in a sometimes different context.
With the exception of military personnel, I almost never hear a man admit to hiring a prostitute. When I have, it’s usually been described as an interaction similar to buying a hamburger at Wendy’s—a business exchange only. Also, the women with the men who’d hired prostitutes expressed more upset about this than the women whose partners had had an affair with a coworker. I found this odd, because to me, the coworker affair seems like a worse violation.
6. WHAT WE WANT – Men universally express a desire for more sex in their relationships. In spite of the legions of women (not that I am complaining about the business!) who want me to help them lose weight so that their husbands will find them more attractive, I almost never hear a guy say he wishes his partner would slim down.
Women tell me over and over again that they want their men to put more effort into planning the time they spend together. A woman wants her date to say, “I’m picking you up at 7 – wear something dressy,” rather than, “Where do you want to go tonight?”
Okay…hopefully, now you’re ready and armed with some new information to tackle the relationship game. Because let’s face it, any advantage in this area is more than welcome!