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Getting to the root

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 10-20-2016

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“There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root.”
– Henry David Thoreau

As a practicing hypnotherapist, I am constantly seeing new clients, many of whom have never been hypnotized before. Often I’m asked, “Do you ever turn anyone away?” The answer to that is most definitely “yes.” In fact, I tell all prospective clients to try one session first before committing to a treatment series. That way, we can make sure we work well together so the client will get the most benefit from therapy.

One time, a gentleman called to schedule an appointment, but pretty quickly let me know that he had already been to another hypnotherapist, and never wanted to go back because “all she wanted to talk about was what happened to me when I was six!” I asked him what he was coming to me for help with, and he replied, “Confidence and weight loss.”

Of course, my next question was what had happened when he was six, and he told me he had been raped. Wow! That is a big deal, and it would certainly cause major issues, including those he was seeking help with.

“I am not the slightest bit interested in talking about any of my past,” he went on to say. “I am a sales rep, but I am not reaching my goal numbers. All I want to talk about is the future—why I keep sabotaging my success, and why I can’t lose weight.” It was very apparent to me that the reason for his problems was related to what had happened to him at age six, and I mentally commended his previous hypnotherapist for bringing it up.

However, I realized from his words that this person was not ready to look at what was almost certainly the root cause of LOTS of problems in his life besides his sales numbers…among other things, this likely included all his relationships. Unfortunately, I also knew he wasn’t my client because, as I told him, “I, too, would want to do some emotional clearing work on your childhood trauma, and I suggest working with a psychotherapist instead of just masking the symptoms of your root issue by getting affirmations from me to increase your sales success. You and I working together may not be a match.”  Then I referred him to a good psychotherapist I know.

Traumas cause scars, and their roots can be deep. When you do the much harder work of looking at those real issues, you heal problems you might not have even known existed. When I first tried hypnotherapy myself, it was to resolve my fear of dogs, which I thought had been caused by a dog bite incident when I was a kid. I went through the somewhat emotional process of remembering what had happened when I was bitten, in detail. It turned out I had forgotten part of it: while still bleeding from the bite, I had been slapped across the face and knocked to the ground by my dad because I had been told not to go near the dog and had disobeyed. I left that hypnotherapist’s office no longer scared of dogs, but later in the day something strange happened. My dad called, and I discovered that I didn’t have that anxious, fearful feeling in my stomach I usually experienced when I heard his voice. I hadn’t noticed I was afraid of my dad until those feelings were no longer there—only then could I see it! My mind had lumped my fear of dogs and fear of my dad together, so healing one healed the other.

Since then, I have been able to create a happy, loving relationship with my father for the first time in my life, and this is a direct result of working on the ROOT of my fear of dogs rather than staying on the surface.

One of my techniques is regressive hypnotherapy, which involves looking at the core causes of your issues to promote healing from the inside out. Sometimes, although not always, this kind of work can be emotional, as well as more difficult and time-intensive. It pays off, though, in infinitely more powerful healing than what is achieved through only addressing the apparent symptoms. This hugely more satisfying result is what I wish for all of you.

Once you’re willing to hack away at the root causes of your issues, you will be amazed at how many branches grew from it. This is the point where healing starts to feel like a true miracle, transforming you and your life.

Knowing this, do you love yourself enough to uncover the deeper reasons for your pain, and start the amazing journey to your truest and healthiest self?

 

 

Healthy Habits Hypnosis
187 Calle Magdalena #209
Encinitas, CA 92024
(760) 803-2841

Family Norms: How They Hurt Us

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 10-06-2016

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accomplishAmong the personal growth community, conventional wisdom used to be that “fear of failure” holds people back from growing. Later, the collective thinking shifted to “fear of success.” But my mentor Michele Meiche has another thought: “It’s actually fear of stepping beyond the family norms and becoming an outsider…that’s what really gets you!” My vote goes to Michele’s theory on this…

Over the years in my practice, I have seen the same scenario played out a hundred different ways with just as many clients.  When people stray outside the social, religious, or financial family belief system—and particularly for women, reject typical female roles such as wife and homemaker in favor of doing something “crazy” like start a business—fear and doubt scare many away from pursuing their unique goals.

Anxiety about family disapproval even comes up with my weight loss clients. Imagine how uncomfortable you might feel being the only healthy person in a family whose lifestyle is built around overeating? Who would support you in eating to live rather than living to eat? Or how about being the first one in the family who aspires to go off to college? If no one else in the house has done this, there’s no one to show you how to get the process started and what to expect. Sadly, jealousy from your relatives may even result in their discouraging you to move forward.

A couple weeks ago, I wrote about a client who was the first in her family to go to college. She told me this probably wouldn’t have happened if it hadn’t been for her best friend’s mom persuading her to go with her daughter to all those SAT prep classes, and helping her fill out the applications and scholarship forms right alongside her own daughter. “There was no one in my family pushing me to do that because they had no idea how the process worked,” my client revealed. “They just kept complaining about the money and it being a waste of time. My best friend’s mom expected her to go to college…it wasn’t an option. In my family, no one expected much from me, so I had no support from them.” In this young woman’s case, open hostility even surfaced when she was told, “A high school education was good enough for your father, and it’s good enough for you!”

When we go against the expectations of our family, we risk one of the worst kinds of rejection—ostracism from the people we may rely upon, or to whom we feel the closest and most connected. This is a deep and terrifying pain, and many avoid it by holding themselves back so they won’t upset the family or “make dad mad at me.” This core issue is so significant that even clients I’ve worked with who were given up for adoption, feel rejected by the parents they never knew. They still cling to this attitude, even when they are aware their birth parent gave them up in a sprit of love, wanting them to have a better life than they themselves could provide. The conflict we experience when we make choices that challenge our family’s values is especially difficult to overcome because these feelings often lurk in the unconscious mind, and we may not even be aware of them.

Nevertheless, living your life fully is your birthright! Find a mentor, as you will likely need one, do your own research, and know that following your dream will be one of the hardest, yet most rewarding, things you will ever do. Trust the process, ride out the resistance and self-doubt, but don’t let your “mom’s hurt feelings” block you from reaching for the most amazing life possible. Don’t forget, too, that you will find new friends who will encourage you along the way as you pursue your heart’s desire.

Love and believe in yourself enough to make your own choices, even if that means risking disapproval from those closest to you.

Healthy Habits Hypnosis
187 Calle Magdalena #209
Encinitas, CA 92024
(760) 803-2841