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Six Questions to ask Before you Buy

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 11-17-2016

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In my many years of working with clients on both emotional eating and emotional spending, I have observed that the two issues are very much the same. I’ve discussed emotional eating quite a bit already, so I’d like to talk about buying binges. Similar to dieting, which doesn’t address emotional eating, budgeting won’t help you with emotional spending. To be more financially responsible, you have to change both your mindset about money and your relationship with it.

Of course, the first step in confronting any issue is to recognize it. Let’s face it—much of our spending is emotional. There are few things we actually “need,” with many purchases being a mixture of want and need. For example, you might truly require a new purse, but choose a more attractive, expensive one rather than something basic that would fill your practical needs.

The key to shifting your behavior is to make spending a conscious activity. Take your time in deciding to make a purchase, rather than being driven by feelings, which shift and change all the time. Buying something can give you a short-lived “high,” which is quickly forgotten as you move on to the next thing.  Have you ever purchased something on Amazon, only to have it arrive a few days later, at which point you barely even remember ordering it? Obviously, you didn’t really need that item, and the money would have been better deposited in your 401K.  But saving isn’t sexy, and it doesn’t give you that fun little “kick” that shopping does, so it’s hard to make yourself do it. It works better to have the money you wish to save drawn automatically from your account each month, so it never really feels like it’s yours.

To increase your spending awareness before making a non-essential purchase (basically anything other than toiletries, fuel, or basic groceries), ask yourself the following questions:

  1. What purpose will this serve in my life?  If the item is clothing, what will I wear it with? If it’s furniture, where will it go? What will I do with this item
  2. Would something else be better? Do your research; make sure this is the best version of what you are considering. There might be one that fits your needs better but costs more, and you might choose to delay your purchase and save up for that, rather than get something less useful today.
  3. Can I afford it NOW? Be honest about where you are financially, and whether you can afford the prospective purchase in your present circumstances. If not, buy it later when you have more money.  The “now or never” idea is frequently just a lie we tell ourselves to justify overspending.
  4. Am I comfortable with the amount of my earnings/work time this item will cost me? Look at your after-tax hourly rate of earnings, and ask yourself how you feel about having to work that number of hours to pay for a thing you want.  Considering the number of actual hours you’d have to work to earn the money to pay for something may make you pause before spending!
  5. Do I really want this, or I am just afraid of missing out? Again, just because something is on sale doesn’t mean you “should” buy it. Trust me…there are always future buying opportunities, so wait for the right time.
  6. Do I feel good about this purchase? Does the world need another one of these? If you happen to be an environmentalist like me, think about the fact that almost anything you buy won’t biodegrade during your lifetime. Do you think the planet needs another new CD, or could a used one or MP3 fill the bill just as well?  Check in with your feelings and intuition to guide your decision to buy something or not.

If you have particular trouble with emotional spending, call me to schedule my “prosperity session.” Through it, I’ve helped many clients with financial issues, and everyone seems to love this special, focused process.

Love yourself enough to do the work of change—you heal much more than your bank account when you attend to the most important thing: your relationship with yourself.

 

Healthy Habits Hypnosis
187 Calle Magdalena #209
Encinitas, CA 92024
(760) 803-2841

The 5 stages of Grief

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in healing | Posted on 11-10-2016

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5 Stages of Grief

Denial/disbelief: Done

Anger: Been there, still there

Bargaining: Not sure really.

Depression: Yep, got it.

Acceptance: yes, still working on that one.

Even if your guy won hardly any person woke up feeling good about this process and truly excited about who we elected and that’s something we need to look at as a country.  How our candidates get chosen, why do we still need the electoral collage rather than just going with the popular vote and why isn’t election day a national holiday so no one has to choose between and paycheck and participating in our election.

And on an even deeper level we need to look at the racism, misogyny and general hatred that is dividing our country and causing us to elect someone endorsed by the KKK.

All things I think as a nation we need to look at so that we can heal the deep wounding and issues this election brought to the surface for us all to see.

In the meantime, know that those 5 stages are not linear meaning you won’t go down the list you will bounce around a bit.  Anger especially is going to be an issue for many of us for a while so everyone needs to watch themselves as we process our grief.  I say this after having picked a fight with husband this morning over something ridiculously stupid..willing to bet I am not the only one.

So, for now take my advice

No twitter, news or anything with more conflict than you would see on cupcake wars.

Put on some classical music (I recommend Chopin’s nocturnes)  while taking a long bubble bath
And lastly (and know you will likely never hear this advice from me again) go buy some ice crème…the good stuff not that skinny cow c*** and enjoy and know that this too shall pass.

Oh, and tell someone you love them. The world could use a lot more love right now.

And if you are having trouble sleeping check out this video/meditation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvKFvBZW9SA

Jill Thomas CCHT

Healthy Habits Hypnosis

www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

760-803-2841

 

The Top Four Reasons Diets Don’t Work (& What You Can Do)

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 11-03-2016

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Diets don’t work.  By now, it’s likely this is not news to you…you’ve heard it before or learned it from your own experience. In fact, if you’re an “average American woman,” you’ve learned it many, many times! Probably no one has told you why, though. Well, there are lots of reasons, but here are a few of the big ones:

1.  Humans do not like the word “no”.   If you told your inner child right now that you could never have cookies again, that news would likely be met with cookies being the only thing you think about until you lose your mind and give in. It goes against our nature to tell ourselves that this thing we love—this highly addictive thing, by the way—is now in the “no/never, ever” category, especially if the consequences of eating it are not immediate and painful. You can’t trick your mind by calling something “poison,” when it knows a cookie won’t kill you, at least not right away.

2.  When you think about reducing your food intake, the innate fear of feeling hungry is triggered. Have you noticed that when you even simply contemplate going on a diet, you find yourself binging? Hunger is a terrible feeling, one that people have and do kill over, literally. Our natural survival instinct makes the feeling of hunger very unpleasant. And it works!  Don’t fight nature…if you are hungry, eat (but wisely).

3.  Almost all eating is emotional. Most people have no idea how much of their eating is emotional. Technically, a human could survive on a good, plant-based protein shake and maybe some vitamin/mineral supplements, but that is just not fun. We would rather have hearty soup, warm tea, and crunchy popcorn. The reason is not so much because those things are good for us, as some are, but because we associate them with beautiful memories.  Remember having tea with our mothers, or that delectable soup grandma used to make, or hot, buttered popcorn with a good movie?  Even if we aren’t conscious of these associations, the memories are still there. If you crave happiness or feeling loved, your need is easily redirected to foods that have been tied to this emotion in the past, which often includes candy, cake, and alcohol!

4.  Dieting goes against the basic habit model. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) has done a lot of research on the issue of habits, coming up with a model of how they are formed. This model, which seems pretty accurate, describes the following:

The Habit:  For the sake of this discussion, we’ll use eating/overeating.

Trigger:  What causes or brings on the behavior. For eating, it could be difficult emotions, or physical pain, or simply seeing your favorite food on the table in your employer’s break room.

Reward:  Release from care, that “warm, fuzzy feeling” or pleasurable oblivion.

For example, a typical trigger might be your boss yelling at you and making you feel bad.  You go to your drug of choice—food—to feel better, and for about five minutes you are off in the oblivion of food gratification. Almost instantly, however, you are remorseful about eating that Snickers bar.

If Diets Don’t Work, What Does?

New mindset. We have to change our attitude toward eating healthily, making it a “lifestyle” and not a diet. We must learn to make better choices not so much to lose weight as because this is part of who we are.

Substitution. We also know from AA that expecting to get rid of all triggers is a losing battle. To switch to a healthier behavior, though, we need some level of immediate payoff from the new habit. As far as eating, your best bet is to replace the unhealthy comfort foods with more nutritious options. I tell people to take all the “fun” foods they love, and come up with a healthy alternative, e.g. raisins instead of M&M’s, a fruit bowl rather than ice cream, and baby carrots instead of chips.

Work on your body intuition.  Practice listening to your body more, e.g. when it is hungry and what it seems to be craving.  When you start paying closer attention, your body will tell you what it does and does not want to be fed.

Be nice to your inner child. Lastly, allow yourself what I call “breaks” from your normal healthy eating routine—let yourself have the donuts you are craving, or treat yourself to a weekly dinner at your favorite restaurant.  Think about it…you wouldn’t drive from Los Angeles to New York without a break, so why expect yourself to never enjoy something yummy that you know isn’t good for you, but is fun?

To succeed in eating better, work with your natural ways of doing things instead of against them. Changing and healing involve work, and shifting bad habits is not always easy, but the rewards of increased love and self-respect that come from a healthier lifestyle are worth every ounce of effort you put in.

Healthy Habits Hypnosis
187 Calle Magdalena #209
Encinitas, CA 92024
(760) 803-2841