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Ladies, Stop Being Sorry!

Recently I watched a hilarious episode of Inside Amy Schumer that had a bunch of highly educated women with PhD’s, standing up on the stage and alternating between apologizing for some pretty ridiculous things.  It was a crazy-funny exaggeration of what women – myself included – do all the time,...

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The Avoiders—Some Things to Know

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in relationships | Posted on 07-19-2017

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The Avoiders—Some Things to Know

Avoidance and avoidance behavior are terms recognized in psychology, and from my experience with an enormous number of clients, result in anything from minor annoyance to deep resentment. Avoidance seems to show up more often in men than in women, and is probably the number one complaint I hear from women about their husbands. I am quite sure it has ended many marriages.

Avoiders are people who are so afraid of conflict or uncomfortable feelings that they dodge the action or communication necessary to resolve problems. Instead, they find a rock to hide under…anything to escape the person and/or situation, in the extreme and almost delus

36496648 – hide

ional hope that the issue will just sort itself out without them. Occasionally this strategy works, which is why they keep doing it. In most cases, however, an avoider just winds up making everyone mad at them.

In my own experience, I have had avoidant clients who “no-show” to appointments because they didn’t want to have to tell me they needed to reschedule. I don’t mind rescheduling as long as I get 24 hours’ notice. What I know I don’t like is sitting in my office for an hour, waiting for a client who is not coming.

  • Avoiders usually create a lot of conflict, along with major problems for their partners, by not doing those unpleasant tasks like filing taxes, cleaning out the garage, or setting boundaries with exes, coworkers, bosses, kids, and family. The worst part of this coping mechanism is that it’s unnecessary and wasteful. I would say, conservatively, that these people expend about ten times as much energy thinking about and trying to avoid something, as they would just dealing with it.
  • Where does this behavior come from?  The roots of avoidance are somewhat different for everyone, but for men, it commonly begins with a sensitive boy being berated by an overbearing mother. For women, it is frequently tied to emotional or physical abuse from either parent.
  • How do you fix this? I’m not going to lie. Avoidance is a tough issue, at the core of which is fear. Treatment is done using fear protocols, and this can take quite some time. I will say, though, that with patience and a real desire to change, healing is possible. If this sounds like a problem of yours, I strongly encourage you to seek help to prevent it from sabotaging your relationships. If you are a man dealing with a female boss, avoidance can actually destroy your career. Do not underestimate the damaging effects of this condition.

If you don’t think your avoidance behavior is “that serious,” consider your relationships, especially romantic ones, past and present. Have your partners complained about your failure to face challenges or tasks head-on? For a healthy, balanced relationship to survive, avoidance behavior must be acknowledged and worked on.

There is some good news! The work you do to heal will pay off in a much more fulfilling and meaningful life, one in which you are a true adult instead of a runaway child.

If you need help with this issue give me a call today, your spouse will call me after your session and thank me-I know because that actually happens all the time!

Looking forward to helping you create lasting change.

Jill Thomas CCHT

Soul Connect Hypnotherapy



Warning! Summertime Setbacks

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 07-01-2017


12550144 – beautiful colorful flower garden

Warning! Summertime Setbacks

Once again, summer is here! Long days, lemonade, vacations, and…what? Cries for help? Every year in my practice, some of the same issues pop up like freckles during this season. This time, I figured a preventative warning about a few of the most common might be in order—kinda like putting sunblock on BEFORE you go out in the sun instead of AFTER!

Where did I Hide my Wedding Ring?  While preparing to leave the house for a summer vacation, many people hide their jewelry for “safekeeping.” Trouble is, it’s so safe, the travelers themselves can’t remember where they put it later on! While I find it fun to hypnotize someone to help them recall where they hid something, the client who fears they’ve lost their $10,000 diamond tennis bracelet forever probably doesn’t find it quite as entertaining. If you’re a “security squirreller,” write down where your treasure is buried, or tell someone you trust! If you do forget, call me as soon as you can, because the longer you wait, the deeper your mind itself will bury this little secret.

A Stuffy Problem.  At least a couple times in summer, and frequently in the winter, I get calls from people with bad allergies or colds who started using nasal spray and can’t stop. Reminder: the bottle says to quit use after three days, not two months! The longer you wait to get off the spray, the harder it is. Simple answer—don’t prolong use to begin with.

Fear of Flying.  This is a specialty of mine, and I can generally help anyone overcome this common phobia. I can also tell you that the anticipation of flying is worse than the flight itself, so call me when you book the flight, rather than the day before you take off, to avoid unnecessary suffering.

Opioids Danger.  Unfortunately, I frequently hear from people who were injured at the beginning of summer, and overused their pain medication to the point of becoming addicted. There’s no typecasting here; these are soccer moms, engineers, or weekend athletes who now find themselves enslaved to a drug. I wish I could say this is an easy fix, but the fact is, addiction to painkillers can be quite serious, and I refer most people with this issue to an inpatient treatment program. For your own sake, exercise extreme caution if you’re prescribed pain medication, and closely monitor your kids’ access to them.

The Siren Call of Sugar.  Sugar hijacks the part of your brain that signals being full, and turns it off.  This explains why, when you eat something sugary, you want to go back to the kitchen for more, over and over again. Hypnosis can help, but prevention is better. Avoid high-sugar foods and to try to cut back on carbs in general.

Relax but Don’t Slack. Try not to let go all your healthy routines just because it’s summer. It may seem like a harmless “break,” but realize that it takes at least 21 days to reestablish a habit, e.g. going to the gym. Trust me, you won’t enjoy having to start all over again in September. Hypnosis can help, but it’s easier and more beneficial to keep up your good health habits…summer, spring, winter, fall.

Better Call Saul Withdrawal.  A good friend of mine has this problem, so if you figure out a cure, let me know… Such a nasty cliffhanger! Not cool, AMC.

Have a happy, healthy summer everyone!!

Jill Thomas

Healthy Habits Hypnosis