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What losing weight won’t do

What losing weight won’t do I recently had a sixteen year old boy come into my office for self-esteem issues, not terribly unusual. But what was unusual was his very insightful observation of how his previous efforts to fix this issue hadn’t worked. “I am here because I recently lost a lot of weight,...

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The Top Four Reasons Diets Don’t Work (& What You Can Do)

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 11-03-2016

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Diets don’t work.  By now, it’s likely this is not news to you…you’ve heard it before or learned it from your own experience. In fact, if you’re an “average American woman,” you’ve learned it many, many times! Probably no one has told you why, though. Well, there are lots of reasons, but here are a few of the big ones:

1.  Humans do not like the word “no”.   If you told your inner child right now that you could never have cookies again, that news would likely be met with cookies being the only thing you think about until you lose your mind and give in. It goes against our nature to tell ourselves that this thing we love—this highly addictive thing, by the way—is now in the “no/never, ever” category, especially if the consequences of eating it are not immediate and painful. You can’t trick your mind by calling something “poison,” when it knows a cookie won’t kill you, at least not right away.

2.  When you think about reducing your food intake, the innate fear of feeling hungry is triggered. Have you noticed that when you even simply contemplate going on a diet, you find yourself binging? Hunger is a terrible feeling, one that people have and do kill over, literally. Our natural survival instinct makes the feeling of hunger very unpleasant. And it works!  Don’t fight nature…if you are hungry, eat (but wisely).

3.  Almost all eating is emotional. Most people have no idea how much of their eating is emotional. Technically, a human could survive on a good, plant-based protein shake and maybe some vitamin/mineral supplements, but that is just not fun. We would rather have hearty soup, warm tea, and crunchy popcorn. The reason is not so much because those things are good for us, as some are, but because we associate them with beautiful memories.  Remember having tea with our mothers, or that delectable soup grandma used to make, or hot, buttered popcorn with a good movie?  Even if we aren’t conscious of these associations, the memories are still there. If you crave happiness or feeling loved, your need is easily redirected to foods that have been tied to this emotion in the past, which often includes candy, cake, and alcohol!

4.  Dieting goes against the basic habit model. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) has done a lot of research on the issue of habits, coming up with a model of how they are formed. This model, which seems pretty accurate, describes the following:

The Habit:  For the sake of this discussion, we’ll use eating/overeating.

Trigger:  What causes or brings on the behavior. For eating, it could be difficult emotions, or physical pain, or simply seeing your favorite food on the table in your employer’s break room.

Reward:  Release from care, that “warm, fuzzy feeling” or pleasurable oblivion.

For example, a typical trigger might be your boss yelling at you and making you feel bad.  You go to your drug of choice—food—to feel better, and for about five minutes you are off in the oblivion of food gratification. Almost instantly, however, you are remorseful about eating that Snickers bar.

If Diets Don’t Work, What Does?

New mindset. We have to change our attitude toward eating healthily, making it a “lifestyle” and not a diet. We must learn to make better choices not so much to lose weight as because this is part of who we are.

Substitution. We also know from AA that expecting to get rid of all triggers is a losing battle. To switch to a healthier behavior, though, we need some level of immediate payoff from the new habit. As far as eating, your best bet is to replace the unhealthy comfort foods with more nutritious options. I tell people to take all the “fun” foods they love, and come up with a healthy alternative, e.g. raisins instead of M&M’s, a fruit bowl rather than ice cream, and baby carrots instead of chips.

Work on your body intuition.  Practice listening to your body more, e.g. when it is hungry and what it seems to be craving.  When you start paying closer attention, your body will tell you what it does and does not want to be fed.

Be nice to your inner child. Lastly, allow yourself what I call “breaks” from your normal healthy eating routine—let yourself have the donuts you are craving, or treat yourself to a weekly dinner at your favorite restaurant.  Think about it…you wouldn’t drive from Los Angeles to New York without a break, so why expect yourself to never enjoy something yummy that you know isn’t good for you, but is fun?

To succeed in eating better, work with your natural ways of doing things instead of against them. Changing and healing involve work, and shifting bad habits is not always easy, but the rewards of increased love and self-respect that come from a healthier lifestyle are worth every ounce of effort you put in.

Healthy Habits Hypnosis
187 Calle Magdalena #209
Encinitas, CA 92024
(760) 803-2841

Getting to the root

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 10-20-2016

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“There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root.”
– Henry David Thoreau

As a practicing hypnotherapist, I am constantly seeing new clients, many of whom have never been hypnotized before. Often I’m asked, “Do you ever turn anyone away?” The answer to that is most definitely “yes.” In fact, I tell all prospective clients to try one session first before committing to a treatment series. That way, we can make sure we work well together so the client will get the most benefit from therapy.

One time, a gentleman called to schedule an appointment, but pretty quickly let me know that he had already been to another hypnotherapist, and never wanted to go back because “all she wanted to talk about was what happened to me when I was six!” I asked him what he was coming to me for help with, and he replied, “Confidence and weight loss.”

Of course, my next question was what had happened when he was six, and he told me he had been raped. Wow! That is a big deal, and it would certainly cause major issues, including those he was seeking help with.

“I am not the slightest bit interested in talking about any of my past,” he went on to say. “I am a sales rep, but I am not reaching my goal numbers. All I want to talk about is the future—why I keep sabotaging my success, and why I can’t lose weight.” It was very apparent to me that the reason for his problems was related to what had happened to him at age six, and I mentally commended his previous hypnotherapist for bringing it up.

However, I realized from his words that this person was not ready to look at what was almost certainly the root cause of LOTS of problems in his life besides his sales numbers…among other things, this likely included all his relationships. Unfortunately, I also knew he wasn’t my client because, as I told him, “I, too, would want to do some emotional clearing work on your childhood trauma, and I suggest working with a psychotherapist instead of just masking the symptoms of your root issue by getting affirmations from me to increase your sales success. You and I working together may not be a match.”  Then I referred him to a good psychotherapist I know.

Traumas cause scars, and their roots can be deep. When you do the much harder work of looking at those real issues, you heal problems you might not have even known existed. When I first tried hypnotherapy myself, it was to resolve my fear of dogs, which I thought had been caused by a dog bite incident when I was a kid. I went through the somewhat emotional process of remembering what had happened when I was bitten, in detail. It turned out I had forgotten part of it: while still bleeding from the bite, I had been slapped across the face and knocked to the ground by my dad because I had been told not to go near the dog and had disobeyed. I left that hypnotherapist’s office no longer scared of dogs, but later in the day something strange happened. My dad called, and I discovered that I didn’t have that anxious, fearful feeling in my stomach I usually experienced when I heard his voice. I hadn’t noticed I was afraid of my dad until those feelings were no longer there—only then could I see it! My mind had lumped my fear of dogs and fear of my dad together, so healing one healed the other.

Since then, I have been able to create a happy, loving relationship with my father for the first time in my life, and this is a direct result of working on the ROOT of my fear of dogs rather than staying on the surface.

One of my techniques is regressive hypnotherapy, which involves looking at the core causes of your issues to promote healing from the inside out. Sometimes, although not always, this kind of work can be emotional, as well as more difficult and time-intensive. It pays off, though, in infinitely more powerful healing than what is achieved through only addressing the apparent symptoms. This hugely more satisfying result is what I wish for all of you.

Once you’re willing to hack away at the root causes of your issues, you will be amazed at how many branches grew from it. This is the point where healing starts to feel like a true miracle, transforming you and your life.

Knowing this, do you love yourself enough to uncover the deeper reasons for your pain, and start the amazing journey to your truest and healthiest self?

 

 

Healthy Habits Hypnosis
187 Calle Magdalena #209
Encinitas, CA 92024
(760) 803-2841

Family Norms: How They Hurt Us

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 10-06-2016

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accomplishAmong the personal growth community, conventional wisdom used to be that “fear of failure” holds people back from growing. Later, the collective thinking shifted to “fear of success.” But my mentor Michele Meiche has another thought: “It’s actually fear of stepping beyond the family norms and becoming an outsider…that’s what really gets you!” My vote goes to Michele’s theory on this…

Over the years in my practice, I have seen the same scenario played out a hundred different ways with just as many clients.  When people stray outside the social, religious, or financial family belief system—and particularly for women, reject typical female roles such as wife and homemaker in favor of doing something “crazy” like start a business—fear and doubt scare many away from pursuing their unique goals.

Anxiety about family disapproval even comes up with my weight loss clients. Imagine how uncomfortable you might feel being the only healthy person in a family whose lifestyle is built around overeating? Who would support you in eating to live rather than living to eat? Or how about being the first one in the family who aspires to go off to college? If no one else in the house has done this, there’s no one to show you how to get the process started and what to expect. Sadly, jealousy from your relatives may even result in their discouraging you to move forward.

A couple weeks ago, I wrote about a client who was the first in her family to go to college. She told me this probably wouldn’t have happened if it hadn’t been for her best friend’s mom persuading her to go with her daughter to all those SAT prep classes, and helping her fill out the applications and scholarship forms right alongside her own daughter. “There was no one in my family pushing me to do that because they had no idea how the process worked,” my client revealed. “They just kept complaining about the money and it being a waste of time. My best friend’s mom expected her to go to college…it wasn’t an option. In my family, no one expected much from me, so I had no support from them.” In this young woman’s case, open hostility even surfaced when she was told, “A high school education was good enough for your father, and it’s good enough for you!”

When we go against the expectations of our family, we risk one of the worst kinds of rejection—ostracism from the people we may rely upon, or to whom we feel the closest and most connected. This is a deep and terrifying pain, and many avoid it by holding themselves back so they won’t upset the family or “make dad mad at me.” This core issue is so significant that even clients I’ve worked with who were given up for adoption, feel rejected by the parents they never knew. They still cling to this attitude, even when they are aware their birth parent gave them up in a sprit of love, wanting them to have a better life than they themselves could provide. The conflict we experience when we make choices that challenge our family’s values is especially difficult to overcome because these feelings often lurk in the unconscious mind, and we may not even be aware of them.

Nevertheless, living your life fully is your birthright! Find a mentor, as you will likely need one, do your own research, and know that following your dream will be one of the hardest, yet most rewarding, things you will ever do. Trust the process, ride out the resistance and self-doubt, but don’t let your “mom’s hurt feelings” block you from reaching for the most amazing life possible. Don’t forget, too, that you will find new friends who will encourage you along the way as you pursue your heart’s desire.

Love and believe in yourself enough to make your own choices, even if that means risking disapproval from those closest to you.

Healthy Habits Hypnosis
187 Calle Magdalena #209
Encinitas, CA 92024
(760) 803-2841

What Accomplishment are you not Giving Yourself Credit for?

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in healing | Posted on 09-12-2016

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accomplishEvery day in my office, I see people who have accomplished amazing things! But rather than celebrate their achievements, they usually negate them with some statement that begins, “Yeah, but…”

“I have a PhD in mechanical engineering and recently got promoted BUT none of that really matters because I can’t seem to lose these last 20 pounds.”

“I am a medical doctor with a thriving practice BUT I have $100,000 in student loan debt…”

I’ll be honest here—I, too, downplay my accomplishments, which is one reason I understand the problem so well. Here’s one of my own examples: I wrote an excellent book about emotional eating called Feed Your Real Hunger. It earned great reviews, was a finalist in a writing contest, and is very well-written…BUT sales of the book were kind of underwhelming, so in some ways it feels like a failure.

Really, now. Who cares that much about 20 pounds? And most people have at least some debt, but how many are saving lives every day? Lastly, very few people write and publish books, even bad ones, so why focus on sales numbers? (I’m talking to myself here)

It seems like women are particularly prone to diminishing their triumphs. I once had a client who grew up in abject poverty, often going to bed hungry. When she came from her country of origin to the U.S. at the age of 12, she spoke very little English. This same disadvantaged woman overcame all of that and went on to be the first person in her family to get a college education. Then she blew past that and got a master’s degree, all while working two jobs, living with three roommates, and basically having no personal life for six years. How could she possibly have a “Yeah, but…”? According to her, she felt like a failure because she had a really hard time with public speaking. In her words, “I still feel like that confused 12-year-old girl who doesn’t understand what the teacher is saying to me.”

It doesn’t help any that the world will try to knock you down and convince you that even a one-in-a-million feat doesn’t really count. Unfortunately, the success of others often has the effect of bringing peoples’ insecurities to the surface, and the more they can criticize and discount, the less they have to face up to their own shortcomings. The thing is, life is not a bank statement where you look at your success-to-failure ratio to determine net worth. Life is something else far more satisfying than that.

 

Jill Thomas, Board Certified Hypnotherapist, weight-loss consultant, & author, has been a health and wellness professional for over 15 years, specializing in stress / anxiety reduction and attainment of holistic wellbeing.

Healthy Habits Hypnosis
187 Calle Magdalena #209
Encinitas, CA 92024
(760) 803-2841

To Be Creative, Go Play!

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in healing | Posted on 08-23-2016

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“Think about it deeply, then forget it, and an idea will jump up in your face.”
~ Don Draper to Peggy Olsen, TV episode of “Mad Men”

Most of us face challenges all day long, the solutions for which require at least some creativity on our part. What most people don’t realize is that “creativity” and “anxiety” are not friends. Anxiety significantly blocks your creative ability, causing you to miss solutions—even the most obvious ones—to any problem you face.

If you find yourself mulling over something too much, consider the wisdom from the quote above. Forget about the issue for the moment, and go see a movie, take a walk, or play with your animals. The key is to play, which is like a vitamin for building creativity. When you fortify your creative side, fresh options seem to appear like magic!

Think of your creativity as being a bit like a child, one who likes to play and responds very well when things are fun. Few of us are allow ourselves enough playtime, and the result is a lot of stress.

I practice playing myself, as you can see below:
Jill with a Goat
Yes, that’s me—a grown-up without a child in tow, who waited in line with a bunch of kids so I could get my picture taken with a baby goat. It sounded like fun!

If you are sitting around worrying about a problem, I cannot stress enough (pardon the pun) that you need to go play. The choices are clear: worry and misery, or fun and problem-solving. Decide for yourself that you are worth the happier option…you may be amazed at what opens up for you.


Jill Thomas, Board Certified Hypnotherapist, weight-loss consultant, & author, has been a health and wellness professional for over 15 years, specializing in stress / anxiety reduction and attainment of holistic wellbeing.

Healthy Habits Hypnosis
187 Calle Magdalena #209
Encinitas, CA 92024
(760) 803-2841

Get Some Sleep

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in healing | Posted on 08-17-2016

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extra

So often when things get difficult out there I get a lot more calls for sleep deprivation.  This short 6 minute meditation will help you go into a deep sleep and stay there for the night.

Some of you will recognize this because I put at the end of your recording if you ask for a sleep process.  It’s a client favorite and my friend Augie Augusto put cute cat pictures in the background to make it a video rather than just a audio file.  Decided to use You-Tube’s bandwidth rather than my own.

Hope you enjoy it.  Be warned..it does work so don’t try it while driving.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis

760-803-2841
HealthyHabitsHypnosis.com

Anger is a Beast – Handle with Care

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 08-02-2016

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angerI remember once being so angry at a boyfriend for something he’d done that I wanted to skip the break-up and get right down to taking him off the planet! My friend Jackleen, a very intuitive person and the voice of reason in my life, commented, “You know, what David did really wasn’t that bad. I’ll bet this is about something that happened a long time ago, involving a different person.” After stewing a bit, I realized she was probably right. I reluctantly drew in my claws. The problem was, now I had to take a deeper look at why I was so mad, and more importantly, WHO it was that had triggered my anger. David had been a jerk, too, but even though it looked like he was to blame, he really only deserved about 5% of the fury and pain I wanted to fling at him.

That’s how the anger beast works most of the time.  When you are really mad to the point of raging (you know what I am talking about!), and it’s clear the target of your feelings didn’t do anything to deserve that level of reaction, you can figure this is about someone or something else that hurt you in a similar way in the past. Since that person or situation is long gone, however, you explode at the one in front of you now.

This is not to say that the person you’re dealing with now didn’t do anything wrong, so don’t make the mistake of dismissing your feelings and letting the other completely off the hook for unacceptable actions. Some women, with excessive guilt about overreacting, apologize for getting upset about completely out-of-line actions on another person’s part, or worse, completely discount that they had any reason to be upset! Obviously, this isn’t a healthy way to handle conflict either, and the answer lies somewhere between inflicting corporal punishment on someone and being a doormat.

So…what should you do when the monster jumps out?

Experiencing that intense, terrible, fury – the type that makes you feel a bit out of control – is your first clue that something else is being triggered. There are few in-the-present things people do to you that warrant such extreme rage, so chances are that some older hurt is being activated.

Next, force yourself to do the nearly impossible…WALK AWAY!! Actually, walk away quickly, and if you are armed in any way, run—before you do irreparable damage to the relationship. I know how hard this is, but you have to do it.

Go and take a few moments, hours, or even days if necessary, to get calm. Nothing needs to be handled immediately, and you won’t lose anything by taking a breather. Always handle your instinctual emotional response first.

anger2There are a couple effective ways you can become more cool, calm, and collected. While in a quiet state (or as quiet as you can get), ask yourself when this situation, or something similar, has happened in your past. Then, look at the initial event—what occurred, who was involved, and how it was similar to what is happening now. After this, journal like crazy about how you felt at the time.

Once you’ve done this bit of work and you are capable of having a composed and rational conversation, i.e., one that does not involve the f-word, go and talk about it with the person involved or with some other, trusted confidante.

I once had a client come to me after discovering that her husband had been cheating. She hadn’t confronted him yet because she was afraid she would explode. I told her to journal about her feelings.  She came back two weeks later with a journal completely filled with one phrase: “F*** you, John.” No joke, she must have written this over 100,000 times! I wouldn’t have believed it was possible if I hadn’t seen it myself. Once my client did this, though, she said she felt a lot better, and she and her husband were able to have a calm talk before scheduling an appointment for marriage counseling for the two of them, as well as one with her lawyer just for her.

If you don’t like to journal, bring the anger to your conscious awareness, and then purposefully direct that energy to some form of exercise, like running or weight training.

Remember, “E-motion” is just energy in motion. Don’t make the mistake of stuffing it down, because this simply doesn’t work and will actually make things worse. The forceful energy of anger needs to be channeled in a healthy direction, or it will default to an unhealthy one.

In the case of my own fury with that old boyfriend David, I spent an afternoon throwing rocks in the ocean until I wore myself out. I couldn’t move my arm the next day, but I did feel much better and ended the relationship without too much drama by saying, “I’m sorry, but that behavior just doesn’t work for me, so this is where we will have to part ways.  I wish you the best.” This was a long way from where I had been just 24 hours before!

I know dealing with anger effectively is hard, and it does take practice. Trust me, you will likely fail at this a few times before you get it right, but working on it until it’s a habit is the best thing you can do for your relationships. All of them.

Don’t let the next person who hurts you take the fall for historic injuries you haven’t put to rest. This is unfair to them and multiplies your pain. Put in the effort to heal from past anger beasts so that your relationships are more loving, workable, and based in the present—after all, right now is our only true reality.

 

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis

760-803-2841
HealthyHabitsHypnosis.com

Six Surprising Observations about Men, Women & Relationships

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 07-21-2016

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observationsAs some of you know, I’ve been a certified, practicing hypnotherapist for about ten years now. In that span of time—after talking to hundreds of clients about issues in their personal relationships—I feel a bit more qualified than most to share some general observations about human behavior in this area. Many of these common threads among my clients have surprised me, and maybe you, too. Or not. Anyway, here they are:

1. DIVORCE – Among couples who have divorced, a great number of men expressed regret. Quite a few times, I’ve heard things like, “My next marriage was so much worse than my first one!” “I should have worked harder on that first marriage,” or “The grass is definitely not always greener.”

By contrast, a lot of divorced women have said they wished they had gotten divorced much sooner than they did, and from them I hear things such as, “I can’t believe I waited so long for the freedom and fun I am having now!” and “We should have broken up a long time ago.”

As far as the children of divorced couples, nobody is happy about their parents getting divorced. However, I hear far more adults express shock and perplexity about why their parents “who clearly hate each other” are still together, than tell me they wish their parents hadn’t gotten a divorce. This last comment is actually quite rare.

observations22. CHEATING – From what my clients have confided, it appears that women cheat just as much as men, but are better at covering their tracks. The men almost always get caught, whereas the women seem to get away with it more often.

I can’t say why, but the ugliest cheating stories I’ve ever heard have come from exceptionally attractive women. Many former models have told me awful stories of men cheating “all over town” with their friends, sisters, and even prostitutes. At the same time, many plain-looking women tell me they are in happy relationships with devoted partners.

Even though we have been programmed to think that women who look better, keep their weight down, and get “enhancement” surgeries have happier lives, this is apparently not the case. Perhaps what women can take from this is that instead of worrying so much about those few extra pounds, focus more on choosing a better match.

3. MONEY – It is much more common – about four times as often, actually – that people tell me they’re staying in an unhappy relationship for money, as opposed to staying for the sake of the children. I hear both of these reasons fairly often, though.

4. BLAMING – Sadly, men come in complaining about having the same exact relationship issues with the last five women they’ve been with, and yet they still place the blame on the ex-partner: “There just aren’t any women out there who don’t have this problem!” They fail to realize that the one common factor in all those failed relationships is—them. By contrast, a woman is more likely to come in after several relationship failures and say, “It’s all my problem! Can you help fix me so I don’t choose this same kind of guy again?” This attitude shows more self-responsibility, but it’s likely that both men and women who repeatedly have unsuccessful relationships need to do some family-of-origin (issues with mom and dad) healing work.

5. ALTERNATIVE SEXUAL PRACTICES – I had always thought people with alternative sexual lifestyles – like swingers, polyamorists, or sex club participants – must have a lot of intense relationship problems that cause this behavior or result from it.  Some do, I am sure, but after working with many of these people over the years, they seem to have the same frequency of relationship problems as everyone else, and actually tend to be more comfortable talking about the conflicts. In fact, from what I’ve observed, besides their sex lives, they are basically pretty ordinary people with normal occupations and the same issues as everyone else, just brought up in a sometimes different context.

With the exception of military personnel, I almost never hear a man admit to hiring a prostitute. When I have, it’s usually been described as an interaction similar to buying a hamburger at Wendy’s—a business exchange only. Also, the women with the men who’d hired prostitutes expressed more upset about this than the women whose partners had had an affair with a coworker. I found this odd, because to me, the coworker affair seems like a worse violation.

observations36. WHAT WE WANT – Men universally express a desire for more sex in their relationships. In spite of the legions of women (not that I am complaining about the business!) who want me to help them lose weight so that their husbands will find them more attractive, I almost never hear a guy say he wishes his partner would slim down.

Women tell me over and over again that they want their men to put more effort into planning the time they spend together. A woman wants her date to say, “I’m picking you up at 7 – wear something dressy,” rather than, “Where do you want to go tonight?”

Okay…hopefully, now you’re ready and armed with some new information to tackle the relationship game. Because let’s face it, any advantage in this area is more than welcome!

 

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

The Heartbreakingly Easy Problem to Solve

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 07-07-2016

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easy_problem_to_solveOne of the most difficult parts of being a practitioner is seeing a client fail. When I say “fail,” I’m not talking about the client not reaching their goal, as in losing the amount of weight they wanted to lose, or achieve the result they wanted. I don’t consider these situations as failures, but rather as part of learning and sometimes adjusting the approach used.

Failure to me is when a client cannot or will not see the value of investing the time, expense, and work it takes to create lasting healing for themselves. They apparently don’t understand that they are worth the effort it takes to heal, whether to change their weight/body size or shed destructive habits and attitudes. Sadly, this happens all the time.

One example was when Trish, a prospective client, contacted me because of a challenging yet totally solvable problem. She was having trouble staying connected in a long-distance relationship, and also suffered extreme separation anxiety. Whenever her boyfriend would leave, an intense sadness would come over her, along with the fear that she would never see him again. This made her very clingy with him when he had to go somewhere, and she would insist they schedule their next date right then and there to allay her anxiety. Basically, Trish said she was a “wreck” whenever her boyfriend went away.

Knowing how difficult this issue can be, and how destructively those feelings can affect anyone’s quality of life, I was happy that Trish contacted me, because I knew I could help her. Her problem is actually one of the easier issues to resolve using the tool of hypnosis, and I knew Trish would feel a lot better even after just one session.

After scheduling an appointment with Trish, my mind was already busy planning out her protocol, anticipating some of the conversation, and feeling happy knowing she would see improvement very quickly. I could see the light at the end of her tunnel of pain, and it wasn’t an idiot holding a match!

Unfortunately, Trish never made it in for help. At her appointment time, she called me complaining that I didn’t “warn her” about San Diego traffic (doesn’t everyone who drives know there may be traffic?), that she would arrive too late at this point, and that all of this was my fault. She then added that she thought I charged too much, my intake forms were too long, and a couple of other silly, untrue “reasons” why she wouldn’t/couldn’t come. In spite of all her angry justification, I knew that probably because of the same issues that caused her trouble in the first place, Trish was backing away from her own healing. I was sure she did this in many areas of her life—blaming others for her problems, complaining about the cost of things, and probably not taking any help or advice offered that could really help her. Maybe she and I weren’t a match for treatment, but our conversation told me that on some level, she wasn’t ready. Trish cancelled her appointment and never called again.

easy_problem_to_solve2It broke my heart, as it always does when this type of thing happens in my practice, that Trish was one more person in the world suffering needlessly and at her own hands. Her pain doubtlessly affected those around her, too…her friends, coworkers, the family watching her suffer, and maybe even a person she cut off on the freeway because her anger towards her boyfriend turned into road rage. Her boyfriend was likely the most affected, and whether or not they were a good match for each other, it was almost a guarantee that their relationship was already, or certainly would be, sorely tested by her issues.

I’ve talked with many practitioners about people flaking out on their own healing, and not surprisingly, it’s a very common drawback in the therapy field. Patients either stop showing up for the appointments they make for themselves, or stop treatment too early when there is still a lot more work to do. Sometimes they say they can’t afford treatment, which is always a ready excuse. My experience over the years, however, is that when people are ready to heal, they find a way to make it happen no matter what, even if that means sacrificing some material comfort for a short time, finding child care, or rearranging their schedule so they can keep their appointments. For those who are not ready, any excuse to cancel is used, and if none is available, the inner saboteur creates one.

Our egos hate change, and will fight like heck to keep the status quo, even if it’s a lousy one. Change – even beneficial change – can be hard because it requires us to grow, shift, and create different habits around the new way of being. Even if something isn’t good, such as being in a bad relationship, there is a certain degree of comfort in it because it’s familiar.

I have to face this with clients all the time and it stings, not so much because of loss of business – although I love what I do and being busy – but because I know that society at large is made better when someone gets healed. The reverse is also unfortunately true.

Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t let money, your or your kids’ schedules, “life,” or whatever obstacle you run across, keep you from the quality of living you deserve. Life goes on whether you are healthy and whole or not, so you may as well get healed! If you consider what you spend your money on, why wouldn’t you pay to get help for the most important person in you and your loved ones’ world—you?

There are few things in this world that can’t be made better through creative solutions. Your physical, emotional, and spiritual health are the most important things to attend to, for your own benefit and that of this world we all share. Remember that no matter how things may “seem” at any given moment, you are loved, special, and extremely important! There is something on this planet that you, and onlyyou, can do. Value yourself enough to heal the wounds that block you from sharing your unique contribution.

 

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

I would kill to be her size!

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 06-21-2016

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her_sizeIt was one of those rare days when my appointments were back-to-back, and every client arriving saw my last one leaving. Normally, I leave sufficient buffer time so this doesn’t happen, but I was going on vacation the following week and squeezing in as many clients as possible before I left.

It just so happened that almost everyone scheduled that day was coming in for weight loss. My first client weighed about 200 pounds and spent much of our session talking about how her body size made her feel unattractive and unworthy of love. We worked on building her confidence and strengthening her commitment to healthier behaviors and attitudes, ones that would help her make the changes to her body that she wanted.

My next client appeared, passing my first client in the hall. As soon as she entered my office, she remarked, “Wow, that woman looked great! I would KILL to be her size.” I smiled to myself, knowing how my first client felt inside about her weight.  The second client expressed many of the same feelings as the first, and the processes we worked on were similar.

The third client, who weighed about 300 pounds, arrived as the second was leaving. When she sat down and I asked her about her goals, she said, “I want to look like your last client. She was beautiful, and I know if I were her size, I would be happy.” I sighed to myself. Too bad my last client didn’t feel that way.

The last weight loss client that day was referred by a nutritionist, who wanted me to help this woman create some new and very specific habits. The client’s current weight was about 375 pounds, making her my heaviest client at that time. She sat down and said, “If I could only look like your last client, then I know I would finally be happy.” At this point, I was thinking, Okay, Universe, I get the message you are trying to send me! You can stop now…it’s getting a bit silly!

her_size2After this session, my final appointment showed up—a former model who weighed around 110 pounds, who wanted help with public speaking because she was pursuing a career in event hosting. Great…I was done with weight loss clients for the day! She and I had a good session, and when she left, she passed my suitemate, Karen.

Done with my appointments, I happily accepted Karen’s invitation to join her for an end-of-day cup of tea. Karen was 5’10” and probably weighed around 115 pounds. As we sat sipping tea, she said, “Jill, your last client looked amazing. I would KILL to be her size.”  I almost spit out my tea… Clearly, it was time to go home!

No matter where you think you are, how fat or unattractive you see yourself, know that someone out there is sitting in envy of you and your amazing body, and is likely thinking, “If I could only be her size, then I would really be happy.” Decide to be happy no matter what your size, shape, financial situation, relationship or employment status, and make it so. Life will happen whatever your appearance or circumstances, but you always have a choice over your attitude: enjoy and appreciate who you are, or beat yourself up and suffer. Trust me on this one—deciding to be happy and grateful produces far better life results than choosing misery. Focus on the positive and it increases. You are too important to settle for less.

 


Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis

760-803-2841
HealthyHabitsHypnosis.com