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Typical Weight Loss Clients

What follows is a fairly typical response to a question on my intake forms from a woman regarding what brought her in for a session. “Where do I begin… Well, I have serious confidence issues due to an abusive childhood. I was raped when I was a teen and have since found it really hard to find good...

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What Accomplishment are you not Giving Yourself Credit for?

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in healing | Posted on 09-12-2016

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accomplishEvery day in my office, I see people who have accomplished amazing things! But rather than celebrate their achievements, they usually negate them with some statement that begins, “Yeah, but…”

“I have a PhD in mechanical engineering and recently got promoted BUT none of that really matters because I can’t seem to lose these last 20 pounds.”

“I am a medical doctor with a thriving practice BUT I have $100,000 in student loan debt…”

I’ll be honest here—I, too, downplay my accomplishments, which is one reason I understand the problem so well. Here’s one of my own examples: I wrote an excellent book about emotional eating called Feed Your Real Hunger. It earned great reviews, was a finalist in a writing contest, and is very well-written…BUT sales of the book were kind of underwhelming, so in some ways it feels like a failure.

Really, now. Who cares that much about 20 pounds? And most people have at least some debt, but how many are saving lives every day? Lastly, very few people write and publish books, even bad ones, so why focus on sales numbers? (I’m talking to myself here)

It seems like women are particularly prone to diminishing their triumphs. I once had a client who grew up in abject poverty, often going to bed hungry. When she came from her country of origin to the U.S. at the age of 12, she spoke very little English. This same disadvantaged woman overcame all of that and went on to be the first person in her family to get a college education. Then she blew past that and got a master’s degree, all while working two jobs, living with three roommates, and basically having no personal life for six years. How could she possibly have a “Yeah, but…”? According to her, she felt like a failure because she had a really hard time with public speaking. In her words, “I still feel like that confused 12-year-old girl who doesn’t understand what the teacher is saying to me.”

It doesn’t help any that the world will try to knock you down and convince you that even a one-in-a-million feat doesn’t really count. Unfortunately, the success of others often has the effect of bringing peoples’ insecurities to the surface, and the more they can criticize and discount, the less they have to face up to their own shortcomings. The thing is, life is not a bank statement where you look at your success-to-failure ratio to determine net worth. Life is something else far more satisfying than that.

 

Jill Thomas, Board Certified Hypnotherapist, weight-loss consultant, & author, has been a health and wellness professional for over 15 years, specializing in stress / anxiety reduction and attainment of holistic wellbeing.

Healthy Habits Hypnosis
187 Calle Magdalena #209
Encinitas, CA 92024
(760) 803-2841

How I Learned to Love Sales

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in healing | Posted on 06-16-2015

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How I Learned to Love Sales  

When I was 18, I fell in love for the first time. No, not with a guy but with a used red 1984 Honda CRX. Remember those? I saw it parked out front of a local VW dealership. It was truly love at first sight, but like many first loves, there was a problem. It cost more than I had, which meant I needed a parent to co-sign. I needed my dad’s permission to buy a sports car— and that was not going to happen.

I explained my plight to a 60-ish old school car salesman, and he said, “Just bring him in, and I’ll take care of it.” I had to con my dad to even come look at the Honda “Civic,” and it was a nearly instant “no” until the salesman arrived. “Sir, I can see she really likes this car, but what do you think?”

“I think no.”  The salesman is undaunted and said, “I agree with you, and I was going to try and talk her out of it.”

I thought, “WHAT is he doing?! That traitor. I thought he had my back.”

Then, he proceeded, “You see, that particular year Honda made 2 engines. This car has the smaller one, which means she will have a tough time getting it over 70 downhill with a tailwind(Sadly, this was true). She said she likes to camp, but with this car, she will only ever get to bring one friend. Her boyfriend will hate it because as you can see… (he winked to me—nudge to dad) no back seat.” I left the dealership an hour later with keys in hand.

Now it could be argued that he manipulated my dad, but he hadn’t said anything that wasn’t completely true. He simply helped my father see that this car solved some problems for me and my dad that my dad didn’t realize needed solving. The experience taught me to have a bit of respect for the sales profession for the first time.

Selling is about helping people solve problems. Some problems are big, like the need for a reliable car that won’t get your teen killed. Some are small, like the need for a comfortable chair or a place to have a healthy quiet meal that’s not too crowded. All of these problems are important to someone.

Business owners who are not naturally salespeople have a tough time understanding this. They don’t realize how important the problem they help solve can be to the person who has it. As a result, they don’t put themselves out there enough, don’t charge enough, feel bad asking for payment, and in general, don’t promote what they do well enough. If you are not putting yourself out there, you are holding out on those who really need your special brand of service.

Some problems save money, some make money for others, and some just make a person feel good about themselves for a little while (like getting your nails done). That is worth a whole lot in a world programmed to make you feel bad.

Even if you are not in sales, you, as a person, have something special to share—something unique that this world needs that only you can provide. Are you well compensated by asking for what you need? Do you feel guilty asking for money or even recognition for what you do everyday that makes life better for those around you? If you are, you need to start by recognizing yourself. Take note of how valuable what you do is, how much it makes the world better, and how many problems you solve just by being you, even if it’s just being a great companion to your life partner or dealing with the cats so your spouse doesn’t have to.

*Make a list of all the problems you solve and look at it from an outsider’s perspective. Do you ask for enough compensation? Are there more ways you can connect with the people who most need what you have to offer? Work on trying to really get into the FEELing space of realizing how much of what you do helps others.

As a side note, I had that car for over 10 years and 170K miles with no breakdowns until the end. You better believe that salesman’s efforts solved some pretty big problems in my life.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com
http://www.facebook.com/healthyhabitshypnosis
Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger” & “30 day weight loss Jumpstart” Hypnosis CD
For more information and free hypnosis meditations visit www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

How you treat people is important

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 03-27-2015

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How you treat people is important

My husband came home from a coffee appointment angry with someone whose services we were using. “We are never doing business with that guy again.” I wondered what this guy did since you have to work really hard for my husband not to like you.

“We meet at a deli to go over the details, and he ordered coffee. When it comes, he complains to the waitress that it’s too cold and sends it back, then asks for a total of 4 more refills over the next hour.” Ok, I’m thinking so far pretty ordinary, and I keep listening. “Then, we get up to leave, and he makes a big show of counting out a 25% tip mostly in nickels and debating whether he should give her 20% instead.” Not nice, but I’m still not seeing the problem. My husband does the math for me. “25% on a $2 cup of coffee is $.50.” WHAT?! That Jerk! My husband goes on to say he went back and gave the waitress a $5.

The next week someone asked my husband if he could recommend someone who offered that service. He was almost giddy when he said, “No, sorry, don’t know anyone.”

Total loss of that sale: Not sure but likely at least $1,000 dollars.

Sitting in the office across from reception, I once watched a programmer come in for a job interview do something so stupid it was almost painful to watch. He rudely rang the bell on the desk 5 times, and then when the receptionist showed up, he told her she should be more attentive that because of her he would be late for his job interview. He then said he had an appointment with the company’s owner. She smiled real big and said, “Oh, you have an appointment with my dad; I’ll show you the way.”

For some reason, he didn’t get the job. Weird.

Total loss: The job he interviewed for paid $85,000 per year.

At the Natural Products Expo this year, I was sampling some very tasty and crunchy potato chips. The salesperson is standing nearby and makes an incredibly sexist comment (which I will spare you) to a group of guys, myself, and one other woman who was probably in her fifties. Then he turns to us and says, “Oh, you girls are probably going to hold a grudge now because that’s what girls do.” Girls? We are both adults.

Now as a hypnotherapist, I am nobody to this person, but I glance at the woman’s name badge. It reads: “Category Manager, Snack Foods at COSTCO.” Now for those of you who don’t know, a category manager ranks higher than buyers. This lady is probably responsible for MILLIONS of dollars in buying decisions for her company and that fool just said something both stupid and offensive. We smile at each other and walk away.

Total loss: Not sure but could have been millions long term.

As someone who has put my foot in my mouth more times than I care to admit and been fired because of it, I really understand this problem. In my defense the “reply to all” button really should ask you “are you sure” when the email contains the word “idiot”.

The most important thing in this world is how you treat other people, particularly those you think of as being at the lower end of society or who are not in a position to help you. Treat EVERYONE with respect, even when it is hard. Not tipping a waitress, yelling at a receptionist, or being mean to a cashier is never the right way to treat someone making $8 an hour. Create the habit of being kind to everyone. Not only will that make the world a better place, you never know when you, as a person, will be judged based on that one angry or inappropriate comment directed at someone simply trying to be of service.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com
http://www.facebook.com/healthyhabitshypnosis
Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger” & “30 day weight loss Jumpstart” Hypnosis CD
For more information and free hypnosis meditations visit www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

What losing weight won’t do

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 03-12-2015

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What losing weight won’t do

I recently had a sixteen year old boy come into my office for self-esteem issues, not terribly unusual. But what was unusual was his very insightful observation of how his previous efforts to fix this issue hadn’t worked.

“I am here because I recently lost a lot of weight, but it didn’t give me what I wanted. You see, I thought that if I lost all the weight, I would gain confidence and self-esteem, but that’s not what happened at all. In fact, I probably feel less confident than I did before.” I asked him why he felt less confident. “It’s hard to explain, but I feel like I’m not me anymore. Being a “big boy” was kind of part of who I was. It was my thing, especially on the football team, and now that I am not, it’s hard to know how I fit in. People treat me differently, and I am not sure I like it. Some people don’t seem to know how to treat me at all since the fat jokes don’t work anymore, so they avoid me. I admit I feel a bit lonely and out of place.”

I had never had someone more perfectly describe a very common issue with people who lose weight without the help of a counselor to work on the emotional part. But in his case, what was unusual was that he was actually able to see for himself how the change made him feel, and he perfectly describes one of the reasons why I think so many people lose significant amounts of weight and gain it back so quickly.

To some extent, being overweight becomes a big part of their identity, and when that’s gone, there is a need to adjust and redefine who they are. This is especially hard for teenagers because losing weight also changes who they are in the group. If it’s a girl, she is no longer the fat supportive friend. She might now be seen as competition for boys. If it’s a boy, they might no longer be seen as the funny fat friend, and again, might be seen as competition.

This is just as true for adults as it is for teens. When a person goes though a major change like losing a lot of weight, their whole lives change. While they might think those changes will be welcome and positive, change (even very good change) can be difficult because it causes them to make major adjustments and in the case of weight loss, it may be adjusting how they view themselves and their place in the world.

In session we worked on improving his confidence, and I also helped him see himself as the healthiest version of his body, not defined by his weight but by who he is. We also worked on updating the inner picture he has of himself so that he starts to reprogram the unconscious mind to say, “This is what I look like now. Let’s keep it that way.” The new version needs to feel more comfortable and familiar than the old version for him to have any chance of staying at this new, healthy weight.

Losing weight will not make you confident. You have to do that work on your own, but getting healthy will change your life in more ways than you can imagine, and often we are not prepared for just how much.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com
http://www.facebook.com/healthyhabitshypnosis
Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger” & “30 day weight loss Jumpstart” Hypnosis CD
For more information and free hypnosis meditations visit www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com