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Every day in my office, I see people who have accomplished amazing things! But rather than celebrate their achievements, they usually negate them with some statement that begins, “Yeah, but…” “I have a PhD in mechanical engineering and recently got promoted BUT none of that really...

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Happy break up season!

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in healing, Uncategorized | Posted on 01-06-2017

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‘Tis the Season…to Break Up!
I swear I’m not making this up! The period of January 2nd through February 12th is infamously known as “break-up season,” and if you don’t believe me, just ask any divorce attorney. Interestingly, early-year splits are not limited to the romance department, but apply to a variety of areas—job changes, business partner dissolutions, or “turning over a new leaf” in your lifestyle/health goals (like eating differently to lose weight, for instance).In the case of romantic  break-ups, people generally wait until after the holidays to make this type of change since, let’s face it, no one wants to be alone or dealing with major upheavals during this time of year. However, with Valentine’s Day looming, it makes sense to cut off the relationship before it arrives, thus avoiding having to buy an expensive gift for someone with whom you see no future. Regarding the job situation, seeds of dissatisfaction are often planted during the January to mid-February timeframe, even if it takes a while to find another job and actually leave.

What is so different about these particular six weeks?

I explained the relationship rationale already, but in other areas, there are a number of factors contributing to beginning-of-the-year restlessness. Firstly, the longer periods of darkness lead to mild depression for some people, causing more introspection and reflection. We may become more acutely aware of certain life issues and feelings, and think to ourselves, “I’m not happy. Why is that?”

Another aspect of the post-New Year’s period is that many of us—even with the bustle of the holidays—have had some time off from work and the chance to reconnect with family. If you’ve been over-extending yourself on the job, you might painfully sense what you’ve been missing by working so much. Again, this can cause you to question your life’s direction and whether you want to continue on your current course. Often the answer is “no,” and hence the desire for change.

Even though “’Tis the season,” major change is still not easy, even if you’re moving away from something that is harmful or limiting you. This is especially true in the case of leaving a bad relationship in hopes of finding a better match. After leaving what is old, familiar, and yet unsatisfying, you may be on your own for quite some time before a new relationship presents itself. Or you may be walking away from a job that you hated to begin a new one someplace else. What if this one is even worse? It feels risky, like jumping off an edge into the unknown.

At this point, it helps to remember that part of any great success story is what preceded the final victory…the self-centered boyfriend or girlfriend you had to walk away from, the demeaning treatment you got at your old job, the dozens of rejections before your business plan finally got backing. It takes courage, and lots of it, along with a degree of tolerance for the unfamiliar, to abandon what you’re accustomed to and break new ground. But unless you push aside the stuff in your life that isn’t working, it takes up the parking spot where your new life could be.

Having said all that don’t be afraid to call a lawyer for advice if your breakup involves anything legal.  I cannot tell you how many ugly stories of being taken advantage of that I have heard in my office that started  with the person saying “I was trying to be nice so I didn’t call a lawyer and it cost me a fortune.”

Now don’t read this and think that I’m telling you to dump your boyfriend, quit your job, or fire your business partner. These are your decisions, obviously, but don’t be terribly surprised if you find yourself doing some bigger-picture life evaluation right after the holidays. I encourage you to entertain those thoughts just a little, because who knows—they may be the seeds of inspiration leading to your next huge win!

 

Jill Thomas, Board Certified Hypnotherapist, weight-loss consultant, & author, has been a health and wellness professional for over 15 years, specializing in stress / anxiety reduction and attainment of holistic wellbeing.

Healthy Habits Hypnosis
187 Calle Magdalena #209
Encinitas, CA 92024
(760) 803-2841

www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

Love & Marriage Advice from an Expert

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 02-09-2016

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loveadvice_04Our family moved from Arkansas to California when I was young teenager. Soon after we arrived, my parents became close friends with an Indian couple in their 60’s named Virot and Irmala, whose entire family was still in India. Virot and Irmala quickly became like family to me, and I thought of them as my godparents. They were kind and loving, and although they spoke with heavy accents and were more than a little odd, I loved them for it!

When I was 16, and visiting godfather Virot at his Indian goods store one day, he told me that because of my age, it was time to have a serious talk. I knew he wasn’t going to talk to me about sex, and figuring any other topic would be fine, I settled in for a very surprising conversation.

Virot started by explaining that in his large, extended family, it was his role to work on arranging marriages for his relatives. He then looked me in the eye and said, “Jill, it’s time for you to start thinking about marriage.” WHAT?!  I was quick to reply, “Virot, I am 16! That’s not going to happen for a long time, so no matching me up with your family in India. Okay?” Virot replied, “No, of course not now, and not with my family, but you must start thinking about this because the decisions you make now will influence the choices you have in the future.” Alright…he had my attention. What followed was some amazing marriage and life advice from someone, strangely enough, whose own marriage to a complete stranger had been arranged, but from what I had seen, seemed to be a very happy union.

“Jill,” he said pointedly, “the most important thing is that you MUST have your own money. You must not rely on a man to pay your bills. Money is freedom, giving you the choice to stay or to leave if it’s not a good situation. So, you need to think about going to college.” I found it interesting that he pushed me twice as hard as my own parents to go to college.

“I don’t care what your American churches say about marriage,” he went on. “If it takes a lawyer to break it, then it’s a contract and not a covenant. Make sure you know the terms of that contract very well by getting to know the man for a long time before you get married. Know what kind of person he is, what kind of family he comes from, and most of all, how you will be treated in the marriage, before you sign that contract in a church or a courthouse.” 

Virot continued, “If you plan on having children, it is especially important that you marry someone of exceptional character, since he will be half of the legacy you leave through the generations coming from your bloodline.” The blood thing seemed to be enormously significant to him, although I was never sure why. I did get his point, though, about choosing the best possible father for my future children.  

“Find someone with a background much like your own. People fight about their differences, not what they have in common, so it’s essential you find someone of a similar religion, culture, and political opinion. And marry someone as smart as you or even smarter, so he will challenge you to be better.”  

“It is vital,” he ended, “to put yourself first! Don’t marry someone whom society or your parents think would be the best choice.  Marry someone you think will be the greatest match for you forever…not just someone nice-looking or rich. Take your time to find this person, and never, ever settle. If he doesn’t seem like the very best match, stop seeing him and move on.  It’s better to be alone than to be with the wrong person.”

loveadvice_03I was aware that Virot didn’t talk about love. That wasn’t his way, as he was much more practical. He wanted me to marry the very best – not just someone I LOVED, but also someone who was good for me.  

“Oh,” he added. “Do not forget, also, before you agree to marry anyone, bring him over for me to approve. I absolutely insist on that.”

I did follow his advice and took my time, so much so that Virot was gone from this world before he could size up my choice in person. However, I take comfort in the fact that he did meet my husband when we were just friends, before we fell in love, and I’m certain he would have approved.

This Valentine’s Day, my wish for all you men and women is long-term happiness in love. As Virot said, find your best possible match! Lust is great, and love is even better, but neither guarantees a lasting partnership. Take your time, don’t forget your personal value and importance, and never settle for anything less than what will bring you the most joy over time. Love yourself and your future children enough to follow through on this.  

One other little remark Virot made – and I almost forgot – was not to marry anyone whose mother was hard to get along with. Oops!

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis

760-803-2841
HealthyHabitsHypnosis.com

Love and beauty

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 04-22-2015

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Love and beauty

One day I was sitting in my office waiting for my next client who was coming in for help with confidence and dating issues. I was stunned when the most physically beautiful man I had ever seen came walking in claiming to be my next client. I thought, “Shoot, I must have double booked. This guy cannot be having dating problems.”

I pretended to be surprised when he said his occupation was model and actor. I asked him about his challenge, and he said, “Just like I wrote on my paperwork, I am having trouble finding the right person.”

I asked, “Why do you think that is? Because I assume you get hit on all the time.”

“Well, being gay and working in my industry, I do get hit on all the time, but the men I meet seem to only be interested in having a fling. Which is ok sometimes, but what I really want is a relationship with marriage and kids and all that. I think there may be something wrong with me that I can’t find what I want.”

Twenty minutes earlier my last client, who is maybe 15 pounds overweight, was complaining about the same thing, only she assumed it was because she wasn’t pretty enough and needed to lose weight. This guy who looked like a Greek god (literally—I am pretty sure he was Greek) is having the same issues, only he assumed it’s him and not his looks because if a person would need to look prettier than him to find true love, then there is no hope for anyone.

In talking with him, it turns out he did have some issues around being open to finding true love. We worked on those in session, but I was struck with the bigger picture. So many people think it’s about looks, and it’s not. If that were true, this person, as well as all the other pretty people in the world, would never be single. Granted, they may have more options than the rest of us, but how may celebrity marriages last longer than 5 years? Almost none and these people are not only very pretty, but often very rich—the other thing most of my male clients seem to think they need to be to find true love.

Ladies, what the single men in my chair say over and over again is that they want women who are confident, sure of themselves, and have their own things going on, rather than someone who is needy and clingy. I often hear they want women who are healthy and work out too, but that is because they want someone with an active lifestyle like them. It really isn’t all that common for me to hear a guy say he wants a super thin woman who wears a lot of makeup and has had a boob job, though I won’t lie that does happen.

Guys, what I hear from women is that they want someone who is willing to invest the time to get to know them rather than expecting sex on the first date. They want someone who likes to do things, has ambition, and is kind. They do not necessarily want a guy who is rich, tall, or especially handsome. Occasionally women will say they want a guy who works out, but not because of the body, though yes that’s sometimes part of it, but because they too want someone with a healthy active lifestyle like them.

Universally I hear from men and women a desire to find someone who LOVES them and treats them with respect. Who doesn’t want that?!

If you are holding onto the idea that something you are or aren’t is a reason why you can’t find love, remember being happy and confident in who you are is far more attractive to both sexes than being thin and rich but needy and unhappy.

Love yourself enough to work on letting go of these outdated, limiting concepts and instead work on being confident and open to give and receive love.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com
http://www.facebook.com/healthyhabitshypnosis
Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger” & “30 day weight loss Jumpstart” Hypnosis CD
For more information and free hypnosis meditations visit www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

How you treat people is important

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 03-27-2015

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How you treat people is important

My husband came home from a coffee appointment angry with someone whose services we were using. “We are never doing business with that guy again.” I wondered what this guy did since you have to work really hard for my husband not to like you.

“We meet at a deli to go over the details, and he ordered coffee. When it comes, he complains to the waitress that it’s too cold and sends it back, then asks for a total of 4 more refills over the next hour.” Ok, I’m thinking so far pretty ordinary, and I keep listening. “Then, we get up to leave, and he makes a big show of counting out a 25% tip mostly in nickels and debating whether he should give her 20% instead.” Not nice, but I’m still not seeing the problem. My husband does the math for me. “25% on a $2 cup of coffee is $.50.” WHAT?! That Jerk! My husband goes on to say he went back and gave the waitress a $5.

The next week someone asked my husband if he could recommend someone who offered that service. He was almost giddy when he said, “No, sorry, don’t know anyone.”

Total loss of that sale: Not sure but likely at least $1,000 dollars.

Sitting in the office across from reception, I once watched a programmer come in for a job interview do something so stupid it was almost painful to watch. He rudely rang the bell on the desk 5 times, and then when the receptionist showed up, he told her she should be more attentive that because of her he would be late for his job interview. He then said he had an appointment with the company’s owner. She smiled real big and said, “Oh, you have an appointment with my dad; I’ll show you the way.”

For some reason, he didn’t get the job. Weird.

Total loss: The job he interviewed for paid $85,000 per year.

At the Natural Products Expo this year, I was sampling some very tasty and crunchy potato chips. The salesperson is standing nearby and makes an incredibly sexist comment (which I will spare you) to a group of guys, myself, and one other woman who was probably in her fifties. Then he turns to us and says, “Oh, you girls are probably going to hold a grudge now because that’s what girls do.” Girls? We are both adults.

Now as a hypnotherapist, I am nobody to this person, but I glance at the woman’s name badge. It reads: “Category Manager, Snack Foods at COSTCO.” Now for those of you who don’t know, a category manager ranks higher than buyers. This lady is probably responsible for MILLIONS of dollars in buying decisions for her company and that fool just said something both stupid and offensive. We smile at each other and walk away.

Total loss: Not sure but could have been millions long term.

As someone who has put my foot in my mouth more times than I care to admit and been fired because of it, I really understand this problem. In my defense the “reply to all” button really should ask you “are you sure” when the email contains the word “idiot”.

The most important thing in this world is how you treat other people, particularly those you think of as being at the lower end of society or who are not in a position to help you. Treat EVERYONE with respect, even when it is hard. Not tipping a waitress, yelling at a receptionist, or being mean to a cashier is never the right way to treat someone making $8 an hour. Create the habit of being kind to everyone. Not only will that make the world a better place, you never know when you, as a person, will be judged based on that one angry or inappropriate comment directed at someone simply trying to be of service.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com
http://www.facebook.com/healthyhabitshypnosis
Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger” & “30 day weight loss Jumpstart” Hypnosis CD
For more information and free hypnosis meditations visit www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

Relationship Advice For Couples

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in healing | Posted on 01-30-2015

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Relationship Advice For Couples

Over the years, I have seen lots of married people in my office come in for all sorts of issues, many of them relationship concerns, and in that time, I have noticed a few things that I think are important to share.

First, I will preface this by saying, these are not hard and steady rules. Even in my practice I have seen exceptions, but these are common trends to consider.

The kiss of death in relationships:

Not sleeping in the same bed for any reason. Not a good sign. Even if the person claims it’s because someone snores, that never seems to go well for long.

Having kids when the relationship is on shaky ground. Bad idea. A child highlights a couple’s relationship weaknesses and turns a crack into a crevice very quickly. Some people think having kids will save their relationship, but in my experience, the opposite happens.

Not seeing each other. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder…” of someone else. I don’t know how military families survive deployment. They often don’t. Not being around your partner very much is never good for a relationship.

Making your whole life revolve around him and/or the kids. Everyone in the household needs and deserves their own interests, and it’s important for Mom to make sure she has her own things going on so she’s not depending on her children and husband for life satisfaction. Making your life all about them tends to make you more needy, and that is never healthy for a relationship’s longevity. Plus, it makes women terribly unhappy in the long run.

Drug, alcohol or sex addiction. Addictions ruin families, destroy your financial future and make enemies out of life partners. If this is an issue in the family, seek help right away.

Exes and step kids. Think long and hard if you are dating someone with a child because no matter how much you love that person or their children, the ex will always be a part of your relationship. That can make a marriage feel a bit crowded. Make an honest assessment to ensure you can handle this before you sign up for “Till death…” It’s not selfish to say it doesn’t work for you.

Things that are not necessarily the kiss of death:

– Cheating. It sounds like an instant end, but I have commonly heard from people that someone cheating was the best thing that happened to their relationship. It forced them to look at the problems in their partnership and work on their relationship. Many couples are able to survive this and thrive after.

Sexual Dysfunction. For either party, these issues can be resolved, and often the process of working together as a couple on these issues makes the couple stronger than before.

Workaholics. Sounds bad and sometimes it is the kiss of death, but if both people are working hard at their own things, they can still have a lovely, happy partnership. Problems tend to arise when one person is a stay at home partner, and the other is always gone.

Again, these are observations, not hard and steady rules. Do keep in mind, people typically come in because something’s not working well. As I have seen these same issues over and over again, I wanted to share what I have learned. Hope this gives you some insight. Feel free to share any advice you might have.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com
http://www.facebook.com/healthyhabitshypnosis
Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger” & “30 day weight loss Jumpstart” Hypnosis CD
For more information and free hypnosis meditations visit www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

Help me out PLEASE!!

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 11-21-2014

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One of my articles just got published in the Elephant Journal Here is the link:

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/11/what-our-overweight-family-members-want-us-to-know/

This is where I need your help. If I get over 2000 hits in the next few days then it will become a “Featured article” and a LOT more people will see it.

The article is about how we should be treating our overweight friends and families and I really want that information out there so please click on the link (even if you don’t have time to read it right now) so I can hit my number. **Even better, share it with others!!

I will do the same for you when your articles get published!

Really appreciate your support.

Sincerely,

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

“I accidentally made myself impotent, and I need your help.”

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in healing | Posted on 10-16-2014

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“I accidentally made myself impotent, and I need your help.”

One of my first paid hypnosis clients was someone moving here from another state and looking to continue the work he had started with another hypnotherapist. Since at the time most of my clients were coming to me for common fears and phobias this man’s statement really intrigued me.

“I accidentally made myself impotent, and I need your help.” This was a deeply religious man, and in his religion, it was considered infidelity to even think about a woman who was not his wife in a sexual way. Unfortunately, in his occupation as a commercial photographer, he would often take pictures of women wearing little to no clothing. Even though he was married, these women would flirt with him making it nearly impossible NOT to think of them in a sexual way. Since he didn’t want to spend eternity in a very hot place (in his mind), he had created an interesting yet equally destructive way of dealing with this problem. He put on weight, a lot of weight at the time I was speaking with him. He was almost 400 pounds and had not been able to have sex for some time.

None of this was done on a conscious level. So for a long time he couldn’t figure out what had caused the problem. One of his friends had suggested hypnotherapy, and under hypnosis it was revealed that he was creating his health problem as a way of saving both his marriage and his soul.

I asked him how his prior hypnotherapist had help him discover the problem and he said “Well, after a few sessions, I came in one day, she hypnotized me and just asked, ‘What am I getting out of this?’ Saving my marriage was the first thing that came to mind. It seemed ridiculous at the time because in reality it’s actually making my marriage worse but in a different way.” He had actually created a real medical physical problem as a way to solve an emotional one.

That is often how our unconscious mind works; it looks at the bigger problem and tries to solve it, not noticing that it created another problem as a result of that unconscious decision. It’s a bit like a dark fairy tale where a person gets a wish granted. They wish for money, gain a lot of money but only because someone close to them died.

While I was working with him under hypnosis, this man was able to make a different decision about how he would solve this problem, one that would allow him to lose the weight and be healthy. In time, he was able to fix some hormone imbalances which were a part of his problem, lose the weight and return to healthy sexual function, as well as maintain a healthy, happy marriage without giving up a career he loved. All of this started when he stopped looking at the symptoms of the problem (weight gain, impotence) and looked at the underlying problem itself. So often we only focus on the physical, and we miss the underlying emotional benefit we receive by creating and maintaining this problem.

If you have an issue you can’t seem to get rid of, ask yourself, “How am I benefiting from this problem? What am I getting out of this?” Your first reaction will likely be an angry, “Nothing! This is all bad,” but try to go deeper, play devil’s advocate and look at things like, “Am I getting much needed attention because I have this problem? Am I getting to avoid something I don’t want to deal with because of this problem?” Having the answer may not automatically solve it, but you will be much closer to the solution than you were before. Love yourself enough to take a deeper look at the “why’s” of your problems rather than just the “what” of your issues and don’t be afraid to seek help. It may be closer than you think.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com
http://www.facebook.com/mindbodyhealth
Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger” & “30 day weight loss Jumpstart” Hypnosis CD
For more information and free hypnosis meditations visit www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com