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The Cluster of Fears

Usually when I work with a client on fears, we focus on one or two at a time. A client who is afraid of spiders usually doesn’t have other non-bug related fears to look at. The client who is afraid of flying typically isn’t afraid of heights as well. Usually these fears are the result of either...

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Do What you Love

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in healing | Posted on 04-26-2017

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Do What You Love

“I race only for fun” ~ Peter Sagan

Many of you probably don’t know this, but I am a huge cycling fan. One of my absolute favorite athletes is champion road bicycle racer Peter Sagan, and not only because he wins (a lot!), but because unlike many his competitors, Sagan really looks like he’s having fun doing his sport. This makes him a true pleasure to watch, and a bunch of other spectators seem to agree. Even though there are many more competitive racers, Sagan has one of the largest fan bases among cyclists. The same is true of Jens Voigt, who had a huge following even though he rarely won. After retiring from bicycling, he was able to make a smooth and successful transition to being a beloved commentator.

I use these examples to show that when a person is doing something they really love, the joy it brings them radiates outward and is very magnetic to others. Conversely, people who don’t seem to enjoy what they’re doing give off a vibe that tends to put off those around them.

I see too many people who entered a profession because it paid well and then grew used to earning a lot of money, but who lost their passion for it a long time ago despite still working in that field. It seems to me that this is the case particularly with real estate agents. No offense to this group—I respect the work they do and am friendly with many realtors—but so many I talk to are jaded and unenthusiastic, especially since making money in realty is way harder than it was before the latest recession. A lot of individuals in this job category are really hurting for business right now.

I know some of you are thinking, “I would love to follow my passion, but it doesn’t pay very much. I like to eat and drive a nice car!” Trust me, I totally get that, and it’s the reason I kept my sales job during the day while doing hypnotherapy and intuitive readings at night…for over six years! After I was laid off from my “day job,” hypnotherapy became my priority.

Most passions begin like a seed, which once planted, takes time to grow. Patience is needed, but if you truly love whatever your “thing” is, you will nurture it with your time, attention, and interest. The pleasure you derive from it in turn attracts others, who will appreciate your commitment and excitement. And if your gift can benefit them, they may be willing to pay you to share it!

Play with the idea of “If I could do anything, what would it be?” If you can’t think of a particular profession, consider how you would like to spend the hours in your day—what would you be doing?  Many years ago, I did this, and dreamt of talking to a variety of people, having chunks of time during the day to write, as well as the freedom to take breaks during the week “just because.” This is 100% of what I do now, and I can’t describe how much satisfaction and happiness I have.

Allow yourself time to fantasize…you might come up with some amazing ideas that could even change your life! Coming up with new options may take a while, but don’t stop exploring possibilities. And even if you need training for a new profession or have to work on building your clientele, time is going to pass anyway, so you might as well be doing what brings you joy.  Never forget that our time to play on this planet is limited, so it’s up to us to “only race for fun.”

*And if you want to watch Peter Sagan on TV check out the Tour of California May 11th 2017

 

Jill Thomas Hypnotherapist

Healthy Habits Hypnosis
187 Calle Magdalena #209
Encinitas, CA 92024
(760) 803-2841

www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

What Accomplishment are you not Giving Yourself Credit for?

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in healing | Posted on 09-12-2016

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accomplishEvery day in my office, I see people who have accomplished amazing things! But rather than celebrate their achievements, they usually negate them with some statement that begins, “Yeah, but…”

“I have a PhD in mechanical engineering and recently got promoted BUT none of that really matters because I can’t seem to lose these last 20 pounds.”

“I am a medical doctor with a thriving practice BUT I have $100,000 in student loan debt…”

I’ll be honest here—I, too, downplay my accomplishments, which is one reason I understand the problem so well. Here’s one of my own examples: I wrote an excellent book about emotional eating called Feed Your Real Hunger. It earned great reviews, was a finalist in a writing contest, and is very well-written…BUT sales of the book were kind of underwhelming, so in some ways it feels like a failure.

Really, now. Who cares that much about 20 pounds? And most people have at least some debt, but how many are saving lives every day? Lastly, very few people write and publish books, even bad ones, so why focus on sales numbers? (I’m talking to myself here)

It seems like women are particularly prone to diminishing their triumphs. I once had a client who grew up in abject poverty, often going to bed hungry. When she came from her country of origin to the U.S. at the age of 12, she spoke very little English. This same disadvantaged woman overcame all of that and went on to be the first person in her family to get a college education. Then she blew past that and got a master’s degree, all while working two jobs, living with three roommates, and basically having no personal life for six years. How could she possibly have a “Yeah, but…”? According to her, she felt like a failure because she had a really hard time with public speaking. In her words, “I still feel like that confused 12-year-old girl who doesn’t understand what the teacher is saying to me.”

It doesn’t help any that the world will try to knock you down and convince you that even a one-in-a-million feat doesn’t really count. Unfortunately, the success of others often has the effect of bringing peoples’ insecurities to the surface, and the more they can criticize and discount, the less they have to face up to their own shortcomings. The thing is, life is not a bank statement where you look at your success-to-failure ratio to determine net worth. Life is something else far more satisfying than that.

 

Jill Thomas, Board Certified Hypnotherapist, weight-loss consultant, & author, has been a health and wellness professional for over 15 years, specializing in stress / anxiety reduction and attainment of holistic wellbeing.

Healthy Habits Hypnosis
187 Calle Magdalena #209
Encinitas, CA 92024
(760) 803-2841

What you need to know about break-ups

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 10-19-2015

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What you need to know about break-ups

One of the more common calls I receive is, “My ex-boyfriend and I broke up 4 months ago, and now he’s calling me again. I am so confused. Can you help me, I can’t figure out why he is calling now?” Very often, this communication occurs 4 months to the day at the earliest and no later than 6 months. On the flip side, I get a similar call from men about how they ended a relationship 4 months ago pretty easily and now are overcome with sad feelings and often regret they let someone good get away.

I want to clear this up for both men and women because I’ve discovered its not common knowledge that men and women process breakups differently, and those differences make things much harder for both parties.

Lets start with the breakup itself:

When the man initiates a break up, it’s often a practical, spur of the moment decision made to solve a problem. As in, “I love her, but I’m not IN love with her,” or “I just don’t think it will work” with no obvious reason why. “She’s just too needy” is another common reason. Typically emotions are not a part of the decision because they are being suppressed. Often with guys I hear, “I just feel numb.” I also hear them express how proud they are of themselves for making such a good decision. When I hear it expressed with little or no emotion, I know they are suppressing their feelings.

When the woman initiates a break up, it is usually very different. Women typically back out of a relationship rather than end it. A woman will begin to emotionally detach from a relationship long before she makes the call. She does her grieving around the relationship ending before it does, and she starts to find herself again. She does things she wants, mentally decides which boxes she is going to put this man’s stuff in and thinks about things she can do with the free time she will have when he is gone. The actual breakup is just an unpleasant task that needs to get done because in her mind, she’s already gone.

Men often mistake a woman withdrawing and wanting to do her own thing as a sign the relationship is actually getting stronger. In their minds, she is becoming less needy and seemingly more confident. This is why so often men are stunned when this same woman turns around and breaks up with them. I typically hear some version of the following, “I thought things were going so well. She was starting school and a new job. Overall, she seemed happier than before. I just didn’t realize that’s because she was about to leave me.”

Men should know that a woman who has complained in the past that she wasn’t getting her needs met is suddenly taking dance lessons, spending more time at the gym and saying she might not be free for the usual Saturday night date this could be a sign she is preparing for a breakup.

After the breakup:

For women, no matter who initiated the breakup, there will likely be a period of time where she will be really upset and stay at home, eating whipped cream right out of the can and pounding chocolate while watching Bridget Jones’s Diary and crying.

Not so for the guys. There might be a brief expression of grief, and then they go right into suppression mode without realizing it and turn off their emotions. This is why woman often hear stories from their mutual friends about how he’s out partying days after the breakup. Meanwhile, she is still stuck in the upset phase all the while thinking, “How can he do that? Did I mean nothing to him?” No, that is not the case. He is not processing his emotions right now, he’s distracting himself.

At the 4 to 6 month mark

The woman have had their cry, moved his stuff out of their home, used his favorite towel to clean the toilet, set fire to the old pictures and in some cases, started dating again. The break up wound has not completely healed but at least has scabbed over a bit.

Not so much with the guys. This is right about the time those old coping mechanisms of distraction stop working, and they start feeling bad, really bad about what happened (the way the woman felt from day one). This is when they start thinking about giving the ex a call to “see how you are doing,” sending a text that says, ”SUP” or creating some ridiculous obviously made up excuse for contact like, “I can’t find my favorite towel. Have you seen it?”

The confusing communication brings up so many upsetting emotions for women. They are feeling better, and the email/text brings all the earlier upset back to life only to start thinking about the ex again. Unfortunately, in some cases ,memory suffers from omission, and even ifthe woman had initiated the break up, they tend to forget all the reasons why. They forget or excuse the cheating, forget the disrespectful behavior and mean things he did, and forget how he made them feel bad about themselves so often while they were dating. Instead, they focus on that spark. Those lusty feelings that are always present at the beginning of a relationship that may have clouded judgment and made a person overlook flaws in the past.

To make matters worse, she doesn’t even know why he’s contacting her again, and curiosity takes hold. If there was another woman, she might wonder why it didn’t work out. She might wonder if he wants to get back together, or if he has something really romantic to say, none of which she would want to miss by not calling him back.

She should always assume he’s thinking he might want to get back together when he reaches out and before she makes ANY response she needs to decide how she feels about that first. If she wouldn’t be open to rekindling the romance she needs to consider not responding at all. Remember, the wound has not healed yet. It’s still a bit sore, and that scab can easily break and start bleeding again.

Now, I’m not going to say that there is no hope for that relationship once it hits that 4 month mark. Plenty of amazing relationships moved to the next level after a person had a few months to really think about how much they really loved someone, like Princess Kate and Prince William. However, those are the exceptions. Usually a rekindling results in the same painful end a few months later. A person should think long and hard before making that initial call or responding to an inquiry. After doing all that work to heal you wouldn’t want to start all over again and miss a more amazing relationship with someone even better that is just around the corner.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com
http://www.facebook.com/healthyhabitshypnosis  ***Oh please, oh please like me on facebook!
Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger” & “30 day weight loss Jumpstart” Hypnosis CD
For more information and free hypnosis meditations visit www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

Society Wants You to Feel Bad About Yourself

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 09-16-2015

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Society Wants You to Feel Bad About Yourself

People who feel confident and good about themselves don’t buy as much Axe body spray, diet pills, and cosmetic surgeries.

In a consumer-driven society like ours, it benefits the economy when you feel as bad about yourself—and the shine of your hair—as possible.

Think about it. Why do we need teeth whitening products, perfume, and new clothes that we know won’t make our lives better, especially when many of these products don’t work? Because we are constantly being bombarded by advertisers intent on making money by telling us that we are less than because our teeth aren’t white enough, we stink, and we are fat, while in the other corner someone else is getting all the good stuff in life because they bought the designer products, have extra shiny hair and white teeth, and are wearing the right brand of makeup.

Don’t get me wrong, I fall into the trap too, but the key to better ourselves as human beings is to recognize that thinking you aren’t good enough just as you are is a trap created by skillful marketing companies. They would have you believe you need a little something or lots of little something’s from lots of companies in order to be the very best version of yourself and have all the good things in life.

This is one of the reasons I get so angry when I hear people respond to those expressing their pain about the way they are treated because of their weight. These people respond by suggesting the answer is to lose weight. Yes, lose weight if you choose to, but not because you think it’s going to make you feel better. Does Axe body spray make a teenage boy feel better about himself? Maybe for about 10 minutes but the better solution in all cases is to work on feeling good about you no matter what.

Here’s the thing, if you hate yourself, have low self-confidence, and do not love and respect yourself, dropping the weight is not going to fix these issues. You don’t want to make being a certain size a condition that needs to be met before you give yourself love, respect, and kindness. Nor do you want to teach your children that they will have more value if they look/dress a certain way or maintain an ideal figure. This behavior makes them feel like love and self-love is conditional, and if love needs to have conditions, it should definitely involve what size you wear. How would that ever create a better world?

I especially fear for the next generation of girls who are given messages over and over again that no matter what their accomplishments in life, the most important measure of their success will be that they be thin. Marketing companies want your children to think that, especially your daughters, because they are 1.) more likely to believe it, and 2.) much more likely to spend a lifetime of spare money trying to shore up their insecurities with stuff.

We have to stop this where it starts. We need to start focusing less on trying to buy things to fix our insecurities and more on loving ourselves just the way we are. Extra pounds, coffee stained teeth, and all. That way we can shift both our money and our energies away from feeding insecurities, and instead, focus on making ourselves and thus, the world a better place. It’s especially true that we teach this to our children. Your daughter (or son) might be a future Member of Congress or the President. Do you want them to think they should feel bad about themselves based on their weight? No! They should instead worry about getting their homework done.

Guess what happens when you focus on loving yourself and your body instead of hating yourself for those imperfections (if you want to call them that)? Since losing weight is the ultimate act of self-love, you start losing weight anyway, and by then, you don’t care because love is what you really want and need.

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” ~ Mark Twain

Love yourself enough to focus on being a better person rather than a better LOOKING person.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com
http://www.facebook.com/healthyhabitshypnosis
Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger” & “30 day weight loss Jumpstart” Hypnosis CD
For more information and free hypnosis meditations visit www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

Love and beauty

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 04-22-2015

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Love and beauty

One day I was sitting in my office waiting for my next client who was coming in for help with confidence and dating issues. I was stunned when the most physically beautiful man I had ever seen came walking in claiming to be my next client. I thought, “Shoot, I must have double booked. This guy cannot be having dating problems.”

I pretended to be surprised when he said his occupation was model and actor. I asked him about his challenge, and he said, “Just like I wrote on my paperwork, I am having trouble finding the right person.”

I asked, “Why do you think that is? Because I assume you get hit on all the time.”

“Well, being gay and working in my industry, I do get hit on all the time, but the men I meet seem to only be interested in having a fling. Which is ok sometimes, but what I really want is a relationship with marriage and kids and all that. I think there may be something wrong with me that I can’t find what I want.”

Twenty minutes earlier my last client, who is maybe 15 pounds overweight, was complaining about the same thing, only she assumed it was because she wasn’t pretty enough and needed to lose weight. This guy who looked like a Greek god (literally—I am pretty sure he was Greek) is having the same issues, only he assumed it’s him and not his looks because if a person would need to look prettier than him to find true love, then there is no hope for anyone.

In talking with him, it turns out he did have some issues around being open to finding true love. We worked on those in session, but I was struck with the bigger picture. So many people think it’s about looks, and it’s not. If that were true, this person, as well as all the other pretty people in the world, would never be single. Granted, they may have more options than the rest of us, but how may celebrity marriages last longer than 5 years? Almost none and these people are not only very pretty, but often very rich—the other thing most of my male clients seem to think they need to be to find true love.

Ladies, what the single men in my chair say over and over again is that they want women who are confident, sure of themselves, and have their own things going on, rather than someone who is needy and clingy. I often hear they want women who are healthy and work out too, but that is because they want someone with an active lifestyle like them. It really isn’t all that common for me to hear a guy say he wants a super thin woman who wears a lot of makeup and has had a boob job, though I won’t lie that does happen.

Guys, what I hear from women is that they want someone who is willing to invest the time to get to know them rather than expecting sex on the first date. They want someone who likes to do things, has ambition, and is kind. They do not necessarily want a guy who is rich, tall, or especially handsome. Occasionally women will say they want a guy who works out, but not because of the body, though yes that’s sometimes part of it, but because they too want someone with a healthy active lifestyle like them.

Universally I hear from men and women a desire to find someone who LOVES them and treats them with respect. Who doesn’t want that?!

If you are holding onto the idea that something you are or aren’t is a reason why you can’t find love, remember being happy and confident in who you are is far more attractive to both sexes than being thin and rich but needy and unhappy.

Love yourself enough to work on letting go of these outdated, limiting concepts and instead work on being confident and open to give and receive love.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com
http://www.facebook.com/healthyhabitshypnosis
Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger” & “30 day weight loss Jumpstart” Hypnosis CD
For more information and free hypnosis meditations visit www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com