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How you treat people is important My husband came home from a coffee appointment angry with someone whose services we were using. “We are never doing business with that guy again.” I wondered what this guy did since you have to work really hard for my husband not to like you. “We meet at a deli...

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What Accomplishment are you not Giving Yourself Credit for?

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in healing | Posted on 09-12-2016

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accomplishEvery day in my office, I see people who have accomplished amazing things! But rather than celebrate their achievements, they usually negate them with some statement that begins, “Yeah, but…”

“I have a PhD in mechanical engineering and recently got promoted BUT none of that really matters because I can’t seem to lose these last 20 pounds.”

“I am a medical doctor with a thriving practice BUT I have $100,000 in student loan debt…”

I’ll be honest here—I, too, downplay my accomplishments, which is one reason I understand the problem so well. Here’s one of my own examples: I wrote an excellent book about emotional eating called Feed Your Real Hunger. It earned great reviews, was a finalist in a writing contest, and is very well-written…BUT sales of the book were kind of underwhelming, so in some ways it feels like a failure.

Really, now. Who cares that much about 20 pounds? And most people have at least some debt, but how many are saving lives every day? Lastly, very few people write and publish books, even bad ones, so why focus on sales numbers? (I’m talking to myself here)

It seems like women are particularly prone to diminishing their triumphs. I once had a client who grew up in abject poverty, often going to bed hungry. When she came from her country of origin to the U.S. at the age of 12, she spoke very little English. This same disadvantaged woman overcame all of that and went on to be the first person in her family to get a college education. Then she blew past that and got a master’s degree, all while working two jobs, living with three roommates, and basically having no personal life for six years. How could she possibly have a “Yeah, but…”? According to her, she felt like a failure because she had a really hard time with public speaking. In her words, “I still feel like that confused 12-year-old girl who doesn’t understand what the teacher is saying to me.”

It doesn’t help any that the world will try to knock you down and convince you that even a one-in-a-million feat doesn’t really count. Unfortunately, the success of others often has the effect of bringing peoples’ insecurities to the surface, and the more they can criticize and discount, the less they have to face up to their own shortcomings. The thing is, life is not a bank statement where you look at your success-to-failure ratio to determine net worth. Life is something else far more satisfying than that.

 

Jill Thomas, Board Certified Hypnotherapist, weight-loss consultant, & author, has been a health and wellness professional for over 15 years, specializing in stress / anxiety reduction and attainment of holistic wellbeing.

Healthy Habits Hypnosis
187 Calle Magdalena #209
Encinitas, CA 92024
(760) 803-2841

Typical Weight Loss Clients

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 01-26-2016

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typicalWhat follows is a fairly typical response to a question on my intake forms from a woman regarding what brought her in for a session.

“Where do I begin… Well, I have serious confidence issues due to an abusive childhood. I was raped when I was a teen and have since found it really hard to find good men to date. I am trying to get out of my current relationship with a guy who is not nice to me, but because of my low self-esteem, I feel like I won’t do any better. (sadly that’s likely true)I have a job I hate where my boss is constantly belittling me and taking credit for all the great ideas I come up with, but I don’t feel pretty enough to get a better job. So I stay. Having said all that, I am here because I want to lose weight. I feel like if I could just take control of my weight, then everything else I could handle.”

She was correct in listing the weight issue as the last one, because even though she feels like it is the only thing she really wants to work on, it’s really the least of her problems. She needs to work on her self-confidence, heal the past trauma of her rape, and learn how to love herself more so she can set better boundaries at work and in her relationships. She also likely needs to heal her past issues with her family of origin so she can create the life she really wants for herself.

 

Here is another example of a typical response I receive:

“My husband has told me he no longer finds me attractive because of my weight. I am starting to suspect he might be cheating on me, but I have very young kids and no job outside of the home. I need to do whatever I can to keep my marriage intact, so I am here to lose weight.”

Like the previous example, this woman needs to work on confidence and self-esteem issues, but she also needs to make some hard decisions about what her options might be. If she is leaning toward divorce, she could benefit from a discreet visit to a lawyer to find out her legal options. Losing weight WILL NOT solve this problem.

Weight gain is a SYMPTOM of a problem, not a problem on its own. This “symptom” brings a lot of people into my office to work on the deeper, more difficult issues that are typically negatively impacting almost every area of their lives.

typical_02When you heal those deeper areas, you create profound changes that can turn your whole life around for the better.

Diet and exercise programs fail because they lack the component that addresses the underlying core issue. If you happen to be in the 1% that succeeds without going deep, who cares if you are thin and unhappy, and your life is a mess?  

As a side note, if you take away food as your drug of choice or coping mechanism during difficult times, you might find yourself reaching for something even less healthy like drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes—all of which are MUCH harder problems to solve than overeating.  

If you want to heal your emotional eater so you can access your inner thin self, know that in a true healing session you will be talking about more than what you ate for lunch. Love yourself enough to do the hard work of change. You are so very worth that hard work.  

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis

760-803-2841
HealthyHabitsHypnosis.com

What you need to know about break-ups

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 10-19-2015

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What you need to know about break-ups

One of the more common calls I receive is, “My ex-boyfriend and I broke up 4 months ago, and now he’s calling me again. I am so confused. Can you help me, I can’t figure out why he is calling now?” Very often, this communication occurs 4 months to the day at the earliest and no later than 6 months. On the flip side, I get a similar call from men about how they ended a relationship 4 months ago pretty easily and now are overcome with sad feelings and often regret they let someone good get away.

I want to clear this up for both men and women because I’ve discovered its not common knowledge that men and women process breakups differently, and those differences make things much harder for both parties.

Lets start with the breakup itself:

When the man initiates a break up, it’s often a practical, spur of the moment decision made to solve a problem. As in, “I love her, but I’m not IN love with her,” or “I just don’t think it will work” with no obvious reason why. “She’s just too needy” is another common reason. Typically emotions are not a part of the decision because they are being suppressed. Often with guys I hear, “I just feel numb.” I also hear them express how proud they are of themselves for making such a good decision. When I hear it expressed with little or no emotion, I know they are suppressing their feelings.

When the woman initiates a break up, it is usually very different. Women typically back out of a relationship rather than end it. A woman will begin to emotionally detach from a relationship long before she makes the call. She does her grieving around the relationship ending before it does, and she starts to find herself again. She does things she wants, mentally decides which boxes she is going to put this man’s stuff in and thinks about things she can do with the free time she will have when he is gone. The actual breakup is just an unpleasant task that needs to get done because in her mind, she’s already gone.

Men often mistake a woman withdrawing and wanting to do her own thing as a sign the relationship is actually getting stronger. In their minds, she is becoming less needy and seemingly more confident. This is why so often men are stunned when this same woman turns around and breaks up with them. I typically hear some version of the following, “I thought things were going so well. She was starting school and a new job. Overall, she seemed happier than before. I just didn’t realize that’s because she was about to leave me.”

Men should know that a woman who has complained in the past that she wasn’t getting her needs met is suddenly taking dance lessons, spending more time at the gym and saying she might not be free for the usual Saturday night date this could be a sign she is preparing for a breakup.

After the breakup:

For women, no matter who initiated the breakup, there will likely be a period of time where she will be really upset and stay at home, eating whipped cream right out of the can and pounding chocolate while watching Bridget Jones’s Diary and crying.

Not so for the guys. There might be a brief expression of grief, and then they go right into suppression mode without realizing it and turn off their emotions. This is why woman often hear stories from their mutual friends about how he’s out partying days after the breakup. Meanwhile, she is still stuck in the upset phase all the while thinking, “How can he do that? Did I mean nothing to him?” No, that is not the case. He is not processing his emotions right now, he’s distracting himself.

At the 4 to 6 month mark

The woman have had their cry, moved his stuff out of their home, used his favorite towel to clean the toilet, set fire to the old pictures and in some cases, started dating again. The break up wound has not completely healed but at least has scabbed over a bit.

Not so much with the guys. This is right about the time those old coping mechanisms of distraction stop working, and they start feeling bad, really bad about what happened (the way the woman felt from day one). This is when they start thinking about giving the ex a call to “see how you are doing,” sending a text that says, ”SUP” or creating some ridiculous obviously made up excuse for contact like, “I can’t find my favorite towel. Have you seen it?”

The confusing communication brings up so many upsetting emotions for women. They are feeling better, and the email/text brings all the earlier upset back to life only to start thinking about the ex again. Unfortunately, in some cases ,memory suffers from omission, and even ifthe woman had initiated the break up, they tend to forget all the reasons why. They forget or excuse the cheating, forget the disrespectful behavior and mean things he did, and forget how he made them feel bad about themselves so often while they were dating. Instead, they focus on that spark. Those lusty feelings that are always present at the beginning of a relationship that may have clouded judgment and made a person overlook flaws in the past.

To make matters worse, she doesn’t even know why he’s contacting her again, and curiosity takes hold. If there was another woman, she might wonder why it didn’t work out. She might wonder if he wants to get back together, or if he has something really romantic to say, none of which she would want to miss by not calling him back.

She should always assume he’s thinking he might want to get back together when he reaches out and before she makes ANY response she needs to decide how she feels about that first. If she wouldn’t be open to rekindling the romance she needs to consider not responding at all. Remember, the wound has not healed yet. It’s still a bit sore, and that scab can easily break and start bleeding again.

Now, I’m not going to say that there is no hope for that relationship once it hits that 4 month mark. Plenty of amazing relationships moved to the next level after a person had a few months to really think about how much they really loved someone, like Princess Kate and Prince William. However, those are the exceptions. Usually a rekindling results in the same painful end a few months later. A person should think long and hard before making that initial call or responding to an inquiry. After doing all that work to heal you wouldn’t want to start all over again and miss a more amazing relationship with someone even better that is just around the corner.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com
http://www.facebook.com/healthyhabitshypnosis  ***Oh please, oh please like me on facebook!
Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger” & “30 day weight loss Jumpstart” Hypnosis CD
For more information and free hypnosis meditations visit www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

Reclaim Your Childhood

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in healing, Uncategorized | Posted on 10-08-2015

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Reclaim Your Childhood

Many of us were denied things as children that would have helped us feel happier and more fulfilled as adults. Things like the ability to express ourselves through artistic interests like dance, drama, painting, or cooking, or not being allowing to pursue interests like astrology or tarot cards for religious reasons. For various reasons, parents can fail to see the need for freedom of expression, may not have the resources available to pursue these interests, or don’t want their children exploring the world that way. Often one sex is not allowed a particular interest because of cultural or religious beliefs like “girls don’t play hockey,” or “boys don’t cook.”

Denial of a child’s natural inclinations and interests can create and leave lasting resentment toward the parents, as well as a strong sense of sadness about “what could have been” if the child had been allowed to pursue his/her passions.

While you can’t rewrite your history, you can reclaim those passions and allow yourself to have what was denied to you as a child. In almost every community you can find adult dance classes, sports groups, art classes, or even acting classes. With a credit card and an internet connection, you can buy just about any book on any subject ever made and have it shipped to your home.

You can even take classes on astrology, intuition development, or mediumship. I attended one of James Van Praagh’s classes once, and a 75 year old woman stood up and told the group she was taking the class for the first time because she wanted “to learn how to talk to dead people while she was still alive.” Loved it!

It is never too late to pursue your dreams. I went to a 40th birthday celebration with a bunch of friends once, and the birthday girl made the announcement that she was going back to school to be a doctor. Another person in the group said, “You realize by the time you’re totally finished you’ll be 50.”

My friend replied, “I’ll be fifty anyway, so I may as well do what I want.”

I thought that was the most awesome answer I had ever heard.

While there is still breathe in your body and you have the ability to use your limbs, you are still capable of creating the life you want for yourself. Reclaim your childhood dreams, and if they still sound like fun, pursue them. I have yet to hear someone in my office regret pursing a dream no matter how unattainable it seemed. I have, however, heard plenty of people regret NOT pursuing something. Don’t be one of those people with regrets, and if you are, come in. I would love to see you. If you are not, go out and have some fun. If your version of fun is a pottery class near the beach, maybe I will see you there! Love yourself enough to release your past and pursue your dreams. You never know where they will take you.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com
http://www.facebook.com/healthyhabitshypnosis
Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger” & “30 day weight loss Jumpstart” Hypnosis CD
For more information and free hypnosis meditations visit www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

Society Wants You to Feel Bad About Yourself

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 09-16-2015

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Society Wants You to Feel Bad About Yourself

People who feel confident and good about themselves don’t buy as much Axe body spray, diet pills, and cosmetic surgeries.

In a consumer-driven society like ours, it benefits the economy when you feel as bad about yourself—and the shine of your hair—as possible.

Think about it. Why do we need teeth whitening products, perfume, and new clothes that we know won’t make our lives better, especially when many of these products don’t work? Because we are constantly being bombarded by advertisers intent on making money by telling us that we are less than because our teeth aren’t white enough, we stink, and we are fat, while in the other corner someone else is getting all the good stuff in life because they bought the designer products, have extra shiny hair and white teeth, and are wearing the right brand of makeup.

Don’t get me wrong, I fall into the trap too, but the key to better ourselves as human beings is to recognize that thinking you aren’t good enough just as you are is a trap created by skillful marketing companies. They would have you believe you need a little something or lots of little something’s from lots of companies in order to be the very best version of yourself and have all the good things in life.

This is one of the reasons I get so angry when I hear people respond to those expressing their pain about the way they are treated because of their weight. These people respond by suggesting the answer is to lose weight. Yes, lose weight if you choose to, but not because you think it’s going to make you feel better. Does Axe body spray make a teenage boy feel better about himself? Maybe for about 10 minutes but the better solution in all cases is to work on feeling good about you no matter what.

Here’s the thing, if you hate yourself, have low self-confidence, and do not love and respect yourself, dropping the weight is not going to fix these issues. You don’t want to make being a certain size a condition that needs to be met before you give yourself love, respect, and kindness. Nor do you want to teach your children that they will have more value if they look/dress a certain way or maintain an ideal figure. This behavior makes them feel like love and self-love is conditional, and if love needs to have conditions, it should definitely involve what size you wear. How would that ever create a better world?

I especially fear for the next generation of girls who are given messages over and over again that no matter what their accomplishments in life, the most important measure of their success will be that they be thin. Marketing companies want your children to think that, especially your daughters, because they are 1.) more likely to believe it, and 2.) much more likely to spend a lifetime of spare money trying to shore up their insecurities with stuff.

We have to stop this where it starts. We need to start focusing less on trying to buy things to fix our insecurities and more on loving ourselves just the way we are. Extra pounds, coffee stained teeth, and all. That way we can shift both our money and our energies away from feeding insecurities, and instead, focus on making ourselves and thus, the world a better place. It’s especially true that we teach this to our children. Your daughter (or son) might be a future Member of Congress or the President. Do you want them to think they should feel bad about themselves based on their weight? No! They should instead worry about getting their homework done.

Guess what happens when you focus on loving yourself and your body instead of hating yourself for those imperfections (if you want to call them that)? Since losing weight is the ultimate act of self-love, you start losing weight anyway, and by then, you don’t care because love is what you really want and need.

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” ~ Mark Twain

Love yourself enough to focus on being a better person rather than a better LOOKING person.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com
http://www.facebook.com/healthyhabitshypnosis
Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger” & “30 day weight loss Jumpstart” Hypnosis CD
For more information and free hypnosis meditations visit www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com

Love and beauty

Posted by healthyhabi | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 04-22-2015

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Love and beauty

One day I was sitting in my office waiting for my next client who was coming in for help with confidence and dating issues. I was stunned when the most physically beautiful man I had ever seen came walking in claiming to be my next client. I thought, “Shoot, I must have double booked. This guy cannot be having dating problems.”

I pretended to be surprised when he said his occupation was model and actor. I asked him about his challenge, and he said, “Just like I wrote on my paperwork, I am having trouble finding the right person.”

I asked, “Why do you think that is? Because I assume you get hit on all the time.”

“Well, being gay and working in my industry, I do get hit on all the time, but the men I meet seem to only be interested in having a fling. Which is ok sometimes, but what I really want is a relationship with marriage and kids and all that. I think there may be something wrong with me that I can’t find what I want.”

Twenty minutes earlier my last client, who is maybe 15 pounds overweight, was complaining about the same thing, only she assumed it was because she wasn’t pretty enough and needed to lose weight. This guy who looked like a Greek god (literally—I am pretty sure he was Greek) is having the same issues, only he assumed it’s him and not his looks because if a person would need to look prettier than him to find true love, then there is no hope for anyone.

In talking with him, it turns out he did have some issues around being open to finding true love. We worked on those in session, but I was struck with the bigger picture. So many people think it’s about looks, and it’s not. If that were true, this person, as well as all the other pretty people in the world, would never be single. Granted, they may have more options than the rest of us, but how may celebrity marriages last longer than 5 years? Almost none and these people are not only very pretty, but often very rich—the other thing most of my male clients seem to think they need to be to find true love.

Ladies, what the single men in my chair say over and over again is that they want women who are confident, sure of themselves, and have their own things going on, rather than someone who is needy and clingy. I often hear they want women who are healthy and work out too, but that is because they want someone with an active lifestyle like them. It really isn’t all that common for me to hear a guy say he wants a super thin woman who wears a lot of makeup and has had a boob job, though I won’t lie that does happen.

Guys, what I hear from women is that they want someone who is willing to invest the time to get to know them rather than expecting sex on the first date. They want someone who likes to do things, has ambition, and is kind. They do not necessarily want a guy who is rich, tall, or especially handsome. Occasionally women will say they want a guy who works out, but not because of the body, though yes that’s sometimes part of it, but because they too want someone with a healthy active lifestyle like them.

Universally I hear from men and women a desire to find someone who LOVES them and treats them with respect. Who doesn’t want that?!

If you are holding onto the idea that something you are or aren’t is a reason why you can’t find love, remember being happy and confident in who you are is far more attractive to both sexes than being thin and rich but needy and unhappy.

Love yourself enough to work on letting go of these outdated, limiting concepts and instead work on being confident and open to give and receive love.

Jill Thomas CCHT
Healthy Habits Hypnosis
760-803-2841
www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com
http://www.facebook.com/healthyhabitshypnosis
Author of the book “Feed Your Real Hunger” & “30 day weight loss Jumpstart” Hypnosis CD
For more information and free hypnosis meditations visit www.healthyhabitshypnosis.com